[nostrademons]

FWIW, I have a longtime friend with her share of mental issues, and I have a family history of codependency. I've tried dating her twice, and each time I've broken things off with something vaguely akin to "I love you, but we're spiraling down into codependency and this is not healthy for either of us, and so I can't be in a relationship with you or get close to you."

I'm still friends with her, but not particularly eager to try again with a relationship. We try to see each other once every month or two to catch up on each others' lives, but otherwise aren't in regular contact (because when we are in regular contact, bad things happen). Both of us are dating other people.

Also, back when I was a teenager I had many of the same mental issues she did. (Perhaps that's why I latched onto her, and why we have such a tendency toward codependency.) What helped me recover from them was not the people who did the darndest to help and bent over backwards for me, at the expense of their own well-being. That tended to actively make things worse. Rather, it was having adults in my life who served as solid role models, secure in themselves and their own lives, who would interact with me as a person but still set very firm boundaries. And they were relentlessly patient about this. It took about 5 years. You can't be relentlessly patient with someone for 5 years unless you are simultaneously taking care of yourself and carrying on with your own life.