[72deluxe]

I am in the middle of trying to be diagnosed in my 40s, and am glad to have come across your comment because this summarises a life-long feeling. The complete inability to relate to what most people enjoy (communal activities where the joy is deduced from being in a mob) and inability to be understood 95% of the time (they hear things other than what I say, since they hear "intent") is extremely wearying. Masking means I perpetually pretend to be like everyone else and I feel like a passenger in my own life most of the time.

In very traumatic or severely stressful stages of life, the depersonalisation was very bad and I wouldn't really see "me" in a mirror or recognise my hand as being my own.

Avoiding people (and only being involved in quiet natural environments - I write this at home in the garden surrounded by plants) seems to have helped a lot but does anything else help? I have been doing things I enjoy more, even if they are mostly solitary. (My wife is very accommodating).

I find I don't emotionally engage with most experiences, so most of my memories are "seen" in the third person (I see myself doing the activities) and I am struggling to overcome this sensation. I film and photograph a lot so that I can "relive" the events, but if anyone has any alternative tips I'd appreciate them.