[Dig1t]

I think this is a little bit oversimplified and I don't know that it's even true at all. It's basically the opposite story of what's told by "Bowling Alone".

That book was written in the year 2000, when the author observed that institutions that previously provided social fabric were all dying. The United States used to have a robust web of institutions that provided social fabric and they have mostly all gone away, and they went away because people just stopped attending them, seemingly because of lack of interest. This was then proceeded by the "problem of social alienation" that this author is talking about.

This problem of social alienation was predicted long ago by the people who worried about the collapse of institutions that provided social capital.

As someone who does organize many group events, I can tell you that it's really hard to get people to show up. A good percentage of people bail last minute or don't respond to invitations at all. The problem gets worse the older people get as well.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling_Alone

[MikeynJerry]

Created an account just to echo this. I don't agree with the author at all.

I moved to Seattle about a year ago and it's taken just as long to build something that vaguely resembles a small board game community, and I still have issues with people ghosting or refusing to play anything other than what they brought.

And despite having multiple regulars, none of them have ever invited me to anything. Not even other game nights. Multiple times I have heard something akin to "Oh yeah I invited X and Y (other regulars) to Z event" and it hurts every single time.

Two days ago, as the last two people were leaving, one asked the other if they wanted to join them for an improv festival that happened today. I love improv. They declined, so I was awkwardly like: "hey, I would love to go with you, can you send me the details when you get home?" and all I got was radio silence.

The frustrating part is that the person I asked had just gone through a rough breakup, so for the past few weeks I'd been inviting him to a bunch of stuff, even going out of my way to organize stuff just for him to get out of the house, because I thought we were good friends.

Sorry for the rant.

TL;DR: I agree that it's really hard to get people to show up and I don't know what it will take to change that, but if you figure it out, please let me know.

[handshake2]

I have good experience with getting new friends by going to, and organizing events. I have also seen people with the exact same problem as you.

I think the core issue is what kind of event you organize. A structured board game night is a bit the same mental category as attending a conference or practicing a sport. People mainly do it for selfish reasons, they want to get better, learn something etc. I would argue that serious bowling is the same thing, but unserious bowling is not.

Personally I mainly do random hangout nights. Tell people to bring whatever and do whatever. Some people just talk, some play board games, some get slightly drunk for fun, some do wine tasting and everyone usually mingle around, switch table and group. Great way to get to know each other and figure out that person X also like Y, then you say ”we should do Y together sometime” and 50% will say ”absolutely”, and now you start having a new semi close friend you can hang out 1 on 1 with.

Fast forward a few years and you will have maybe 1-3 persons that are your closest friend but you still continue to invite 10 people to the hangouts for the whole community but get more and more time with the smaller group.

Also work on your personality. I have met some people that are lonely and clearly want some friends but there is nothing more awkward than someone trying too hard, really wanting a friend, really trying. It is strange because in my experience I get new friends when I am not thinking about making friends, just about having fun and enjoying the time regardless of outcome.

[t0mpr1c3]

I don't believe it either. This advice has probably never been less true.

Perhaps there is just a certain kind of Substack journalist who chooses some dubious piece of conventional wisdom every Sunday to sermonize about.

[PeterHolzwarth]

I don't know that I would characterize the typical Substack writer as a "journalist."

It's just opinion blogging.

[t0mpr1c3]

They get paid.

That's why they write it on Substack not Blogger or Wix.

[PeterHolzwarth]

Still not journalism. Just paid opinion blogging.