[klochner]

I personally take a proactive view of my environment, but Derek's post is lacking moderation.

From the description of Battered Person Syndrome [1]:

    - The abused thinks that the violence was his or her fault.
    - The abused has an inability to place the responsibility
      for the violence elsewhere.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battered_person_syndrome

[joezydeco]

I honestly think Derek's article slips into sarcasm at the midpoint and nobody is picking up on that:

Someone was rude to me today? My fault. I could have lightened their mood beforehand.

At least when I read this, the message I got is that it's easy to blame yourself when overthinking failures, but in reality it takes two to tango.

Your girlfriend dumped you out of the blue? Where was her communication? That guy that stole $9,000? He's still a thief. Those are things out of your control.

[sivers]

Yep. You're right. It was supposed to be a light-hearted and fun point, delivered with a smile. I guess that didn't come across. My fault, again. :-)

[Kuiper]

Sivers offers something of a response in the article:

>The guy that stole $9000 from me? My fault. I should have verified his claims.

which could also take the form of:

>My domestic partner abuses me physically? My fault. I shouldn't have entered a relationship with this abusive person, and should have removed myself from the relationship before it escalated to physical violence.

In this manner, you would acknowledge the role that the abusive partner played in the violence, but also acknowledge the steps that you could have taken to prevent being the target of violence.

[Spearchucker]

Wish I'd paid more attention to Social Psychology. You've just taken your interpretation and projected it back at OP, without taking pause to consider his intent or, if unsure, asking first.