[CalRobert]

"have infants ricocheting around your home like screaming DVD logos, then you may want to put this ambition aside for now and deal with that instead"

Even older kids... my 6 year old is jumping on the couch as I type this..

I like remote work but when I had to commute it was really nice to have that downtime built in to the day. I learned a lot of Dutch vocabulary on the train.

[asp_hornet]

Don’t be fooled, the first few years you get spoiled with “the first moments” of things. Then suddenly the “last moments” start creeping in, “the last nappy”, “the last car seat”, at first they seem like a god send but then they accumulate like an avalanche.

One day you will pick them up and, and most likely neither of you will know it, but it will be the last time you ever do.

Treasure everything, even the insanity.

[sarchertech]

I plan to keep lifting my kids everyday like Milo. Hopefully I can push off the last time I pick them up till they’re 30 or so.

[swat535]

At 30, they'll probably be picking you up instead, I'm 37, grown too strong and easily lift my dad lol

[hahahaa]

The hobby can be with the kid! E.g. go out on a kayak with them (safety first etc.) or learn to coach sport.

[HexPhantom]

That's probably the sweet spot

[HexPhantom]

There's something useful about time that is already spoken for. You're on the train, you can't do much else, so learning some Dutch feels easy. At home the same half hour somehow gets fragmented into six different things

[abc123abc123]

Children are not god for peace of mind and a life of liberty. I do not recommend anyone to have children, becaues of how negatively it affects your life, cost of living etc. It is basically just tying yourself down to the wheel of consumption, and in order to jutsify everything, all the struggle, push your hopes and aspirations to the next generation, and then letting them deal with it.

If you are rich, you can get around this by hiring people to take care of the children, so then it could be possible, but it will still be a huge financial burden.

[philangist]

This comment actually triggered something in me and I wanted to write a dismissive and condescending response but in the spirit of HN I’d like to try a different approach.

I’ve honestly never been able to understand this kind of thinking (uniformly ruling children as a negative because of the downsides), but I’d be curious to understand more about your perspective.

How do you weigh the joy and meaning many people find in having a family against the economic and time freedom costs?

Or the fact that societies do need to continue having children in order to: sustain economic growth, service their elderly population (that will be us in a few years to decades), maintain their armed forces, perpetuate their culture and values into the future, invest in scientific research, etc.

Are these not things you value? Or do you just see the tradeoff as not worth it?

[BeetleB]

> How do you weigh the joy and meaning many people find in having a family against the economic and time freedom costs?

That's a very presumptuous question.

I don't know if the original commenter has kids or a family, but I can assure you that not everyone finds as much joy in it as you may. You can easily end up with a kid that just hates your guts, and is problematic in many other ways to boot.

[abc123abc123]

I like this. If you can share your email address I will give you a personal answer.

[dripdry45]

It’s not that these aren’t valuable. It’s that you can also see the enormous damage done to children and the suffering that you put them through as parents. Life is a grueling, often thankless and cruel situation. It has no real explanation and we toss more and more people into the meat grinder every year.

I see very little love from parents, but I generally see an enormous amount of selfishness. True betrayal, overt and subtle abuse, and kids seem more to push through that to really thrive… occasionally.

This idea that someone has never felt to love this powerful before? Incredibly selfish. It feels almost disgusting to write about let alone really think about. Who the hell are these people saying these things? Do they even hear themselves?

Every metric and every explanation I ever hear or read about when it comes to kids seems… ultimately selfish. The future for civilization looks awfully bleak, and bringing children to this world? Now?! Their future is a dodgy proposition at best.

Having children consistently seems to be for people with little creativity, little prospect in their lives, and very little thought or consideration for a wide and colorful world which could actually use some help instead of holding up in a house for 20 years.

Society uses our biology against us. It uses it to create enormous anxiety, depression, and poverty through having children. I wish to live the second half of my life in a meaningful way rather than shackling some unsuspecting little-me to the insane whims of hyper consumerist and capitalist culture designed only to extract everything from them and create as much anxiety and hurt as possible, that it might produce as much from them as possible.

For someone to not see that this is what most societies have become? The height of blindness; i’m not sure I’ve ever seen a parent in America who didn’t have their kids as part of this culture of spectacle , of blindly shambling without critical thinking. It’s as if most people want to collect all the check boxes in life, like little Pokémon, little experiences that they simply must have and show off to people to fluff their ego.

Sure, the process produces all kinds of crazy chemicals but so do hallucinogenic drugs. They’re basically both the same thing, but one of them really makes people unhealthy, intense, and emotionally unbalanced while the other just makes them see weird stuff that isn’t there.

The more you look at it, just the less it makes sense. All the uncritical, thoughtless people that I’ve ever met in my life are the ones having kids, while all the people I’ve respected, who are generally considerate, intelligent, kind, intentional, mindful, and honestly quite accomplished and as helpful as possible toward their fellow people? None of them have kids. Not a single one. Not my entire life. Well one. One, and it’s such a bad experience, and is so painful and difficult for he, his wife, and the child that he says he would never wish it on his worst enemy, despite absolutely loving his child and doing his best to demonstrate that every day.

I know it’s a bit rambling, but there you go.

[abc123abc123]

Wise words. But you must remember that society is a self-perpetuating system, that grows to consume all, like cancer, and for "it" (society) to exist, children must be produced to fuel its growth. Politicians, the sole benefactors of the modern society, therefore scream about children to fuel the machine.

Of course there are kind and loving parents, but you are right in that many (most?) just follow their biological program on autopilot, never thinking about the consequences.

But I do think, at some level, the species is starting to realize how unsustainable this is, and we see this in dropping fertility and child birth levels.

These levels I think, will only start to increase again, once society has adapted to man, instead of like today, when authoritarian politicians try to adapt man, pushing him like a cog wheel into the machinery of the state. Man is now tired, and refuses, and as a result, more and more people just stop procreating, which I see as a sign of health.

[CalRobert]

I think your view is… skewed… but also, remember that many parents are not, in fact, in America.

[ndriscoll]

Children don't necessitate a consumption spiral. The fact that they grow so quickly means there's plenty of cheaply available used items (clothes, books, toys, etc.). If you have multiple, or if they have cousins, then there's also hand-me-downs. Then there's free stuff like parks or libraries, or e.g. our county has a nearby recreation center with a splash pad.

We did buy a more expensive home to live near better peers, but that's not really a consumption issue; it's a cultural one.

[CalRobert]

Ironically having kids motivated us to live somewhere we could be car free, which is a pretty major reduction in consumption.

[kannanvijayan]

Having a child was a profoundly selfish act for me. I wanted one because I can't imagine any challenge more fascinating and rewarding (for me) than raising a child.

I don't understand what the point of hiring people to take care of mine would be. That's the fun part. Makes about as much sense as going to an amusement park and paying someone to take the rides for you.

[CalRobert]

You’re correct about peace of mind (I’ve never been more afraid than I have been for my kids) and liberty (modern parenting is akin to house arrest at times) but the fact remains I never knew I could love someone as much as I love my kids, and I’m richer for it.

[andrew_lettuce]

The fact that you need to fight an incredibly strong biological motivator to do this suggests you're wrong. If you have a builder mentality and want to leave the world better than you found it, having kids is the best path. They're also my retirement plan.

[dofm]

I will now never be a parent, but what are you suggesting people preserve their money for if not consumption?

[stevetron]

what money?

[rpdillon]

How many children do you have?