[Waterluvian]

I’ve had about 10 emails about things I’ve said or presented on this website. I haven’t replied to all of them, which makes me feel bad because each one of them was a nice little surprise on any random day. I worry that no response makes people feel bad. I just can’t respond sometimes because of the anxiety I struggle with. But gosh do I love hearing from strangers about anything. I bet if I can get more comfortable talking with strangers I’ll really enjoy being old one day.

[ssl-3]

I struggle with interacting with random people, too. I'm alright with writing stuff that is largely impersonal and in public (like here on HN), but there's something about a direct email or a real in-person conversation with someone who I don't know that makes me feel anxious in ways that I don't like.

Maybe it's because I feel like I don't have all the right answers, or that it might be an uphill battle for me in some way, or I'm afraid of making a lasting connection (and the combination of burden and joy that this brings), or I'm instead afraid of missing a connection despite putting effort into it. Perhaps it is all of those things together or something else entirely.

Whatever it is, I know one thing for sure: Inaction has a deterministic outcome.

So when I do nothing, then nothing happens. Nothing is gained, nothing is lost, and nothing is spent.

And maybe that's not an optimal outcome, but it's at least a predictable outcome -- and that alone seems to serve to resolve whatever unwelcome feelings of anxiety I might otherwise experience.

[stavros]

I'm like this with calls. I'll correspond with you on email all day long if you want, but if I'm asked to have a random chat call with a stranger, I get really averse to it.

[antinomicus]

I’m curious to hear about why talking to strangers is troublesome for you? For me maybe when I was younger but these days I just treat everyone like an old friend. What kind of pitfalls do you run into? Just a general sense of anxiety?

[hatthew]

I have a similar anxiety about emailing or messaging people directly. If I'm just posting a comment on HN or reddit, there's not much commitment and if someone responds but I don't feel like continuing the thread, it's fine to completely ignore it. But if I send something directly to someone, it feels very personal, and like I'm starting a conversation. Once I'm in a conversation I'm obligated to continue it until it reaches a conclusion, and while the anxiety of trying to write things in a personal way is bad, the anxiety of trying to force a conclusion to the conversation is worse.

[Waterluvian]

Tried writing a response multiple times and then ssl-3 nailed it with their comment and saved me. :)

[ssl-3]

hah.

Any time. ;)