[CamouflagedKiwi]

This is kinda fun, but doesn't match most of my experience splitting firewood.

The wood barely moves after it's split. If you split it perfectly, the two halves will almost certainly both fall to each side (they're pushed outwards by the axe).

You can't just randomly split it across the grain into slices like you're slicing bread.

I guess mostly: it's not tiring, which sort of sucks when you're doing it for real, but it is satisfying. This doesn't scratch that itch for me, but I guess it's fun in a way, similar to that cleaning simulator thing.

[neilv]

For players who are new to the game, there should be a 1/4 chance you go to bed proud of an honest day's work with your hands, and wake up the next morning having strained a muscle you didn't even know you had, and you can't chop wood for the next couple weeks.

[helterskelter]

There's a surprising amount of technique and knowledge that goes into splitting firewood. It isn't rocket science, but I know a 75 year old who can chop wood faster than any young guy who works out at the gym.

[smackeyacky]

My grandfather was like this, and not with soft wood. We try to burn Australian hardwoods and that takes quite a bit of force to split. He could pound through it like a knife through butter. There’s a definite art to hardwood, looking where the slightest fault might be. You can’t just smash it in the middle, your block splitter (preferred) or axe just bounces off it.

[NuclearPM]

Try to burn hardwoods? What does that mean?

[_carbyau_]

As a fellow australian but now former wood chopper: "Try" should be "prefer".

IE when you get a load of firewood for the winter, you want it to be hardwood. The person you buy the wood from may mix in softwood depending on their trustworthiness...

Why prefer hardwood? Hardwood density means it will burn for ages. So you have to mess with the fire less and it'll still have at least hot coals in the morning if you put a log on before bed.

[defrost]

Jarrah, one of the hardest of the hard woods burns hot and long and (well ventilated) leaves almost no ash behind.

If you want hot coals in the morning, throw in a log or two of river gum / softer ashy woods before bedtime and the Jarrah coals will not burn out and disappear while the house sleeps but get buried in ash and stay hot but smothered.

Stir and throw in light kindling at dawn and it'll be roaring by the time you get back to the house for breakfast.

[smackeyacky]

It’s wood. You put it in your fireplace and set fire to it for heat

[tclancy]

Highly recommend https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC872sqjMNC8kHU0GU0ShZFw while cautioning that she seems to be genetically engineered to split wood. Her technique is like watching an Olympic athlete. No wasted motion at all, all energy delivered to the maul straight down. She’s a muse.

[tomcam]

Wow! Great link. I’m better than average but… yeah, I’d upgrade her to goddess. She’ll just carve a new axe handle when she feels like it. Truly humbling.

[cpncrunch]

It's a combination of technique and the type of wood. Even with perfect technique, some wood is simply too hard to split. I've got the bottom 5 or 6 rounds of a bigleaf maple sitting in my yard that I simply can't make a dent in. You're welcome to take it if you can split it :)

[Merad]

Are you trying to split it with an axe? You need a sledgehammer and a few splitting wedges. The sledge lets you apply a lot more force than an axe and striking the wedge focuses that force onto a small area. The first wedge will open a crack, then you use additional wedges to expand that crack until she splits.

Source: grew up in a wood burning family, helped split many stubborn hardwood trees (all by hand).

[helterskelter]

If it came from the base of the tree the wood grain will probably be squirrelly and practically unsplittable. Get a chainsaw or hydraulic woodsplitter, or throw them in a bonfire. Alternatively, use them in a woodworking project or innoculate them with your favorite mushroom spores.

[cpncrunch]

Well they're about 4ft diameter and not really even possible to move. My electric chainsaw would just burn up trying to cut them, and the cost of a hydraulic woodsplitter wouldn't be cost-effective.

Current plan is just to leave them there until either they start drying/rotting enough to split, or I find someone who wants to take them off my hands.

[grantmuller]

These are also good for those "Swedish logs" where you drill a hole in the top and the side, and then cut grooves with a hand saw in the top and make a fire right on top.

[Theodores]

In former times you had to serve a twelve year apprenticeship before you could be trusted to split wood for barrels, you can do a PhD in rocket science in less time.

[scottcorgan]

this is the most hacker news comment possible

[chamomeal]

So many of the top comments look like parodies of HN comments

[warumdarum]

I miss the part where the axe gets stuck and you hsve tovturn it over. I found it well made and deeply satisfying

[helterskelter]

> I miss the part where the axe gets stuck and you hsve tovturn it over.

Hit it around the edges, like taking a chord from the edge of a circle, and try to use the top half of the bit to do cutting. Good ax technique depends on accuracy, on top of which you can slowly add strength as your accuracy improves. If there's a crack in the end of a round, you should be able to put the bit of the ax directly into it, which will normally split it wide open without much effort. Different species of wood have different characteristics though, so terms and conditions apply.

[telesilla]

As someone who spent a teenagehood doing the same, I agree it was far too (un)satisfying to be able to cut the pieces and not having them fall to the side. But if you have an excellent axe and true flat surface you could get pretty close to the game. But for better reality it needs more indication of splinters and blisters after a few runs. I suggest adding a cast iron wedge splitter as a next level option.

[razorbeamz]

That's because the AI that generated this doesn't know what splitting wood is like.

[JodieBenitez]

> If you split it perfectly, the two halves will almost certainly both fall to each side

Just put it in a old small tire :)

[tclancy]

I dunno, what are you splitting? For full rounds or the large chunks that first split off them, I often do have stuff go flying when it finally splits. Typically I am splitting on top of another round so that adds to the distance.

[Reason077]

Was just doing this literally the other day! But with a hydraulic log splitter which made it pretty easy and fun. The hardest part was lifting and stacking all the logs!

[CyLith]

You missed the best part: analyzing what to do around knots. There's a skill and artistry to it. Those who are good at it make it look absolutely effortless: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsIFvStf9Oz99GMitW4vD_g

[gaudystead]

For anyone reading the above comment and wanting to see what the commenter might be referring to, here is the first YT video I found on that channel that is relatively brief but has an example of the techniques involved:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=G_QZIGVYX_4

[AngryData]

And as someone who has split my own firewood by hand for heating for the last 30 years, he definitely knows how to throw around an axe, almost too well because he makes it look easier than it is. But even when everything splits clean, him throwing an axe around for 30+ minutes straight and not being out of breath and able to still talk shows both immense fitness and experience.

[jonstewart]

There should be a "hickory" option where the axe just bounces back at you or gets stuck in the round.

[nutjob2]

> This is kinda fun, but doesn't match most of my experience splitting firewood.

Neither mine, I have a machine that does it for me. Much safer and efficient.

[kmoser]

I find it much easier to use AI to vibesplit my firewood. Sure, it costs me lots of money to buy axe tokens, and sometimes all I end up with is a useless pile of splinters or sawdust, but it's the way of the future; just imagine how efficient it'll be when the tech has matured?

[thenewwazoo]

You're right, and I'm sorry. You specifically instructed me to split the logs in the side yard, and I split the cat. I recognize now that this was a strategic error, and cutting the cat into chunks does not accomplish the goals.

    edit

    AGENTS.md
    + Only chop things made of wood. Meat does not split well. NEVER cut up the cat.

I've updated the AGENTS.md file to track this mistake in the future. Should I continue chopping the rest of the firewood?

[cyberax]

Never set the cat on fire, it surely will annoy it.

[Chaosvex]

The new model is so good at splitting firewood that it's too dangerous to release to the public without safeguards to stop it from splitting things that aren't actually firewood. The old models are terrible - I can't believe we ever thought they were good.

Remember: this is the worst that splitting firewood will ever be.

[notrealyme123]

It might split atom's

[mindok]

If only you could pipe the waste heat from the data centre…

[AngryData]

Not if you also want to get excellent exercise. It would take me no time at all to build a splitter for my tractor if I wanted one, but I plan on chopping by hand until I can't because otherwise I will either be significantly less fit or have to take out additional non-productive time to workout.

[apercu]

I only like splitting perfectly seasoned wood ( I do about a face cord every summer/fall). Otherwise it’s just too much work. Got any tips in to tooling? I use a maul.

[tclancy]

I have a couple diamond/ grenade wedges, a rescue wedge and a traditional wedge I barely ever use. I have the big Fiskars maul and that is great for a lot of stuff. Bigger things, whole rounds I use two wedges near each other and hit them in concert with the sledge side of the maul.

Most wood is easier to split when dry/ aged, but I recently learned that does not apply to elm and a few others, so it’s worth checking. Elm is awful no matter what.

[greenbit]

Elm is awful even at burning. Cold, smoky stuff.

[rebuilder]

In my experience, fresh wood splits much easier. I prefer a big splitting axe. But mostly the wood I use isn’t terribly gnarled or wide.

[shmiga]

Just fucking relax and enjoy!

[Fokamul]

yeaa https://i.imgur.com/Uc60Y2z.png