[nuancebydefault]

I'm not very materialistic and i have saved heaps, so never in financial trouble.

What I'm always looking for is love, even though I have a loving family, wife and kid. Its always been like that. I almost constantly want to connect with people, as if anyone should be a backup or shoulder to cry on, should I fall. I can't afford to anyone not liking me.

I dream of being with that lady, she makes me feel good when she's around, but my mind knows she cannot fulfill this always present desire for love or close connection. It will certainly not be a good idea to break what I already have, even hardship alone. I don't know her well and i probably never will. So i keep on musing about her, probably as long as I will regularly see her passing by. We will keep on smiling at each other and talk gently about our struggles in life. I can't help it, it's who I am.

So what a lot of people feel around money, posessions, status, early retirement, nice vacations, a trained body... I have around love and connection and it will probably never resolve. I believe I'm coming to terms with it.