[gavinray]

You don't have to apologize! Your feelings are yours, and if it's not hateful, no shame in expressing them

I really do think if you put your mind to shifting the framing/perspective of your feelings though, that you can have a much different future than past

Hoping things start to go your way, mate

(And yeah, definitely don't dump personal issues on new friends. I find that making friends is much easier if you ask thoughtful questions after listening to them and letting other people do most of the talking at first.)