[zoogeny]

I have an understanding/interpretation of the philosopher Kierkegaard's metaphor of the Knight of Infinite Resignation from his work Fear and Trembling [1] that relates to this.

He tells the story of a Knight that falls in love with a princess. In the olden days princesses were married off by their parents for political reasons. There is no way his love, even if it is returned, can ever be fulfilled.

So the Knight resigns himself and marries the butchers widow. After all, she is pretty enough, she has inherited a profitable business from her late husband. And she will be elevated socially by a marriage to a Knight, so she is very keen.

But the Knight has to resign himself constantly, like in the dead of night while lying in bed and dreaming about what might have been. He must avoid falling into resentment and maintain the strength of his will.

This is a central concept to Kierkegaard, started in Either/Or and continued in Fear and Trembling.

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear_and_Trembling

[all2]

I handle this by not dwelling too much on the past. Things undone do haunt me, but they are not and what is, is. The ephemeral is as useless as the emotions I have about them, and I treat it as such. Anything else is inviting agony and regret. I have enough of those and I don't need more of them.

A lot of this emotional anguish can be quashed with what might be considered "rude" pragmatism. Remove what is useless, ignore what intrudes and cannot be changed, get on with what you have and don't dwell too much on what you do not have.

Another way to frame this is from a Biblical perspective: be thankful for what good things you have and do not yearn for what you have not been given. Everything in this life is a gift. Every penny you earn, every breath you draw is more than you deserve. In that light, the life I have is wonderful, and full of joy and satisfaction. I have so much that I do not deserve, so many good things and many beyond the limit of my awareness. So I choose thankfulness before the pain of seeking that which is not, that which is unattainable, or that which is long past.

[zoogeny]

That sounds like a good attitude.

I think that Kierkegaard was considering that this attitude has to be permanent. You can't praise yourself for having resigned yourself last year, last month or last week. You have to resign yourself each and every time the urge to "dwell on the past" arises. And that urge finds a person when they are at their weakest.

There is some subtlety in how one chooses to look at the past. For example, you say "I choose thankfulness" and you recognize "the life I have is wonderful, and full of joy and satisfaction" which sound healthy. However, this describes your attitude to the present while leaving out your attitude toward the past.

He specifically calls out when a person trying to move on from the past degrades the lost alternative. In the metaphor of the princess, perhaps the Knight forms a negative opinion about her, or about aristocracy in general. He may choose to lie to himself like the fox from Aesop's fables, who when it cannot reach the grapes decides they must be sour. He may get angry with the girl, angry with himself, or angry with the world.

For Kierkegaard the ethical life requires staying true to your desires, even in the face of depravation. One ought not deny that they still want the thing they can't have. They will not rely on self-deception or ignore their true desire. They will realize that these desires will resurface and they cannot spend their life running from them.

All of this is easy to say but hard to live. It ends up forming the basis of what Kierkegaard suggests is a true faith. Fear and Trembling goes on to describe a Knight of Faith that lives beyond the Knight of Infinite Resignation but that is another thing entirely.