> You may be the worst real estate investor I've ever heard of.
You may very well be right. However, everyone I hear saying how much money they made off of their house neglects to mention any of the expenses I listed.
Sure, I've seen all manner of goofy talking points (both pro and con) around the financials of home ownership. Conversely everyone I've heard say lost their ass on residential real estate either bought too much house in a market overrun with speculation (Hi Florida) or move frequently.