| > The wallet was supposed to be the constraint. It turns out, as we will see, that the wallet is the constraint after all. I can't tell if you made a mistake and meant the wallet isn't the constraint. These short burst sentences are really hard to read. Write "As we'll see, the constraint is x.". There's no need to split that, a single sentence conveys the whole point. The article is full of similar wording, and that's why it feels choppy to read. > The rest of this essay is about why that is harder than the press understands. And about a second problem hiding underneath it I'd describe this as chain of thought writing. It's fine in casual conversation, with the words just tumbling out of our mouths, but it doesn't work in writing or speeches. There are so many ways the two concepts expressed there could be worded, combined or separated. "The press has an unfortunate tendency to use hyperbole and simple descriptions, but even with those stripped away there are deeper misconceptions..." It's interesting that folks have honed in on AI as the problem. I'm my view the issue is that you haven't decided on your writing style, and as a non native speaker, you're unable to write a simple phrase and get AI to embellish it. Writing simple phrases is surprisingly difficult. Try making everything concise, with no repitition, and then adding style and flowery language afterwards. Edit: sorry I may have read another person's comment about being a non native speaker. Writing concisely is something we can all work on. |