Did moving to new place have intended effect?

[Jeff2Serve]

A common thought is that moving to a new place can shake up life for the good. Though many times we bring our same old self and not much changes. Would love to hear from you all about how expectations met realities post-move. I am thinking of fairly conventional moves, like Boston to Pittsburgh or Indy to Chicago (not to an island or cabin in the woods). Thank you

[mindwork]

Ever since I've been very young I wanted to live in the global West. At first England, then USA became more lucrative place. I've spent 10 years trying to move to USA. Sacrificed a lot for it. Lots of self doubt, whether I can make it? Is it a right decision? What about my friends and family? I knew about some of the problems before I moved, but obviously not all of them.

I moved to San Francisco about 5 years ago. I can tell you, it was all WORTH IT! I'm still amazed by the city and the life around me. 5 years later it still impresses me. I feel like I'm living in a movie, and I'm a main character in a movie! I became a better version of myself. I can't imagine being myself if I'd stay back in my country.

p.s. those are my feelings. Obviously life around me is not ideal. There is no such place as ideal, but it works for me despite many-many-many problems that I have in my life right now.

[audreyfei]

half-way through reading this comment I was so scared for you but the turnaround is great to hear!! I'm hoping to move to SF soon, do you have an opinion on the culture of its neighbourhoods?

[mindwork]

To each their own, just stay away from Tenderloin and Market and 6th street. I'm sure if you set out some time to explore, you will find whatever fits you best. When I was moving, I sourced a bunch of opinions from my coworkers, non of them were of much help to me. I've charted my own way in the end, made my own mistakes

[lostdog]

The major axis is urban+gritty to more suburby and spread out. It's a very personal preference where you want to be, but most people dislike the most gritty areas (tenderloin, most of soma). It's worth aiming for a neighborhood at the median as your first.

[quietforgelabs]

I moved around to different cities quite a bit when I was growing up. Maybe it was because my personality was still forming, but I learned how to naturally adapt to new environments.

Perhaps because of that background, I’m fundamentally someone who embraces change. I’m always striving to become a better person through trial and error. Because I keep evolving, there’s sometimes a disconnect when old friends expect me to be the person they knew long ago, and I used to struggle with how to handle that.

Putting yourself in a new environment means you get to leave behind everyone's preconceived notions of you, both the good and the bad. It’s a bit scary, but it’s incredibly meaningful to have a clean slate to work on yourself. You might not be able to completely change who you are overnight, but starting with small, incremental changes is definitely possible, isn't it?

[SenHeng]

I moved from Singapore to Japan in expectation of a better, free-er life and those expectations have been met. I have a house on fairly large piece of property that belongs to me. I have two cars that I often go for long drives on. Things that would be close to impossible back in Singapore.

I've also moved internally within Japan multiple times each time for better job prospects and those have also turned out well.

The one thing that hasn't changed much is myself. I'm not a social person and take time to get used to people. Particularly, I don't enjoy alcohol and thus do not frequent the local drinking holes. That has definitely had an effect on my social circle.

I have only one advice for you, if you're expecting change, you have to be prepared to change yourself too.

[wojciii]

I'm not American. But anyway. I moved to another town 100 km away from the one I grew up in.

I had no friends there and was bored so I started dating* and doing sports. I was lonely and miserable for a while until I met my wife. From this time my life started making more sense.

The change of scenery helped. Had I stayed I would probably still be single and complaining about not meeting anyone interesting.

* The dating itself was a miserable failure, but I met a woman offline by chance who didn't do online dating.

[rationalist]

Unless you have scaffolding, it's risky. Scaffolding can include a solid job (one where you aren't going to be downsized a month after moving there), family, or you're from the area in the past.

It will be important to make friends quickly.

I've seen too many people who want to "start over" by moving, then crash and burn because they don't have any realistic plans or contingencies (which can include money - moving is expensive, especially if you don't have a job).

[RicoElectrico]

Moved from Gdynia to Warsaw in pursuit of a job. Left the family and friends, made me lonely. I suppose this is down to particular company culture. I used to work at an American corporation and we often socialized after work. In the new job, while people are as fiendly as there, there's no will to meet up outside the office. Bummer.

[maheenaslam]

Moving does shakes things up, but not always in the way you expect. New environment gives you fresh energy and perspective, but a lot depends on how much you actively change your routines and habits. Just relocating isn’t enough your mindset and actions make the real difference.

[Jeff2Serve]

Thanks a ton for all the comments, and the particular stories. I really wonder if I would just bring the old self along, therefore why go through the hassle of moving if it is not required for work. Maybe try to find new paths where I live.

[audreyfei]

whether you change might depend on how young you are. younger minds tend to be more responsive to how they perceive the environment around them- I'm Canadian (16yo) and the US is overall similar to Canada...the main thing is that you're living in different housing (your local area changes). I moved back for a year and had a lot of daily habits change.

[brudgers]

I relocated when I was about 30 for love, then again around 40 for the schools, and the last time at 54 to live in California.

Each has been good for me and my family.

But, in no small part that is because I have always been an outsider. So moving has never meant giving up much of a support network, breaking strong community ties, abandoning a geography of happy memories, etc.

Only the first move was to a place I had spent meaningful time before moving. The second move was to a town where I had spent a few hours for a fly-in/fly-out interview. The third was to an MSA I hadn’t been to within one desert and three mountain ranges of.

Again, each has been good for us. That doesn’t imply anything except it is possible to upgrade where you live (and it is probably easier to upgrade to the degree where you live makes you unhappy (for whatever reasons). Good luck.

[edit] have a careful think about intended effects. Relocation is a leap into the unknowable. The great recession scuttled the professional ambitions that formed part of my second relocation. Covid massively shaped my experiences at my current location.o