[hirvi74]

To answer your question, both.

Who I am is functionally disordered based on the societal expectations of how people should behave. Employer expectations of behavior are often harsher than societal expectations in some ways.

It's like what Franz Kafka said, "I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a masquerade party, and I attended with my real face."

I was eventually given a mask to cover up who I am, and I have worn it for far too long. The rat race with no cheese at the end, the 'professionalism,' the 'career development', and all the theatrical and ceremonial bullshit. Setting myself on fire to keep others warm. Killing myself from the inside out with a poison to please others.

I am just so sick of it all. And most importantly, I am sick of pretending that I am not.