[phendrenad2]

Would you consider going to Jamaica and asking people "why do you pronounce man 'mon'?" respectful? Of course not. Well, I can see the case where someone is so ignorant that they don't know the basics of how language dialects work, but that doesn't make it less rude for the average person.

[troad]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that question in Jamaica. You're needlessly (and somewhat bizarrely?) problematising a genuine interest in others.

What you're proposing appears to be some kind of conspiracy of silence where we all notice differences in speech but are forbidden to enquire about them, and I think that's utter hogwash.

> I can see the case where someone is so ignorant that they don't know the basics of how language dialects work

Having a degree in linguistics I would hazard a guess that I probably know more than the average person about how dialects work. I wholeheartedly endorse asking others about how they speak. People absolutely love talking about themselves and their culture, and good-natured interest in others engenders genuine human connection. (Not to mention better appreciation of the dialects themselves, which is a worthy goal unto itself!)

[phendrenad2]

> Having a degree in linguistics

No need to get defensive - I wasn't talking about you personally, in fact you'd be the EXACT person that is the exception to this rule! But asking random people "why do you pronounce words this way" is bound to be (a) fruitless (do your non-linguist friends generally know the origin stories of every dialect difference between them and whatever the "standard" version of the language is?) and (b) possibly a microaggression/microinsult because it implies that their dialect is somehow "lesser" than the one you're comparing it to.

For example, if you have Indian colleagues, in India or in your country, would you ask them "why do you pronounce (insert word here) differently than we in (insert your home country here) do?"

It might come from a place of genuine cultural interest, but I wouldn't expect anyone to assume that.

So that's where I leave this discussion. I've made my point, people are free to choose to absorb it and think it over and incorporate it into their beliefs if they want. If not, not my loss.

[troad]

I think there's points on either side here. It's certainly possible to ask in good faith, and it's certainly possible to ask in bad faith. But that goes for most questions, really.

I would gently discourage you from assuming bad faith, which is what you're doing when you flag the whole question as rude.

> possibly a microaggression/microinsult because it implies that their dialect is somehow "lesser" than the one you're comparing it to.

I think with these assumptions you're implicitly reinforcing the negative self-perception that many people who speak dialects have, whereby their dialects are something to be reduced beyond perceptibility, and if ever they are noticed, it is an embarrassing social failure.

Silence is not the way to elevate dialects. There is no way to deconstruct the negative baggage around dialects unless smart, self-confident people take pride in their dialects. "Don't Ask Don't Tell" is hardly the way to achieve this. :)

If someone is asked about their dialect, it is generally in good faith. I would not expect them to talk about L-vocalisation around back vowels, but it is a wonderful invitation for reminiscences about their hometown, an anecdote about how their mammy used to talk, etc. This is good. This allows the two parties to bond over some shared human experiences, but it importantly also humanises the dialect.

Assuming the question is an attack, on the other hand, is a highway to responding as though it were an attack, which is guaranteed to result in confrontation. This is bad. The only stereotypes this could possibly reinforce are negative ones.