| Reminds me approach that you get in nearly every book on "How to meet girls". Systematic, efficient. Played this game myself. And I did it when moved to the US with a limited English and lack of understanding of the local culture and traditions. After a few years of dedicated practice, moved me from the state that author describes to the complete lack of fear talking to strangers, I can easily make nearly ever conversation warmer, deeper and more relaxed. ------ A couple more comments, based on personal experience: [1] It works better if place where you meet is your deep comfort zone, a very familiar place - gym, if you are going there for some time, know where each type of equipment is.
- dance venue that you were going dancing for a while
- art class
- etc [2] It helps a lot if you are quite proficient in the activity, expertise brings respect, and higher social status by itself, even when you do not talk to anyone. [a] in the gym ideal technique > strength > looks / size of your muscles. - Third class in powerlifting, based on Soviet grading system is a threshold, passing which life changes (question of months, maybe a year). You get more respect from men and curiosity from women, and you get more confident, because you got stronger: https://www.sportscategory.info/en/powerlifting
- As your shoulders get broader, fat fat percentage goes down - it improves your appearance -> your confidence -> helps as well. [b] Dance venue is a great place to meet people and address your fears / issues. Rule of the game - during the class before the social part teacher makes you switch partners => you will be forced to introduce yourself to the partner, this person cannot turn away and will need to reply, introduce themselves. Later when social part starts - people switch partners every dance =>
- you start with inviting for a dance people whom you already met during the introductory class.
- In 3 hours of social dancing you dance with 20+ people
- As your skill grows (question of weeks-months) and dancing with you is not torture anymore, but quite the opposite - it is enjoyable => you get more relaxed, people want to dance with you => conversations start all the time
- In dancing, as a man you lead, and this transfers to other activities (helped to become a lecturer teacher in University), but you also better lead the conversation. I.e. it is not a random exchange of information anymore, but you can vary it's direction and emotional component. ---
[3] Some places are better than others. It is good to go to the gym, to get more friends, but not directly. I do not like talking to people in the gym, I suspect that other people as well. you are recovering between sets, focussing on the audiobook, moving weights - you are always busy with something. I also heard that women do not like talking to men in the gym as they may feel "no in the best form", i.e. for her - talking to men feels comfortable, when she took shower, picked a cloths that fits her, not when she is sweaty, struggling with weights and sees other ladies in the gym who are more fit. Places like: - climbing gym <- very social activity where you solve same problems - trying to climb a route. You can just tell someone who struggled to climb a bouldering problem something like: "Nice!", "Good job!", "Well done", and ask for a tip. Ot if you already climbed it - give a tip yourself. These are natural openers. If you climb similar level of problem, you will get stack in the gym in the same spots, taking a break between tries - universe will force you to talk and socialize. - Dance venue, as I mentioned above
- Hikes
- any types of group classes: scuba diving, wine tasting, art classes, etc will do the job quite well |