[talkingtab]

I have found three strange and unexpected avenues for interacting with people.

1. Be on a quest. Yes a quest. I was trying to buy an old metal key as a gift for a friend. I wanted to find someone who sold sheep's milk (for making cheese). If you are on a quest it gives a context for an interaction. You both have something to talk about and it you both have an out: the answer. People almost always help you with a quest. And this ties with #2

2. Need help. I am lost. I am trying to get to the airport and I don't have much money. I trying to find a good book store. My car won't start. etc. I don't speak English.

3. Humor. Not telling jokes, just have a sense of humor about yourself, your common situation, the world in general.

I especially like being on a quest. Once I asked someone about the key, they sent me another place, they sent me another place and finally I found one. It was a blast. Everyone was helpful. I ended up telling people how I got there, why I was searching etc.

[mindstorms6]

> 1. Be on a quest. Yes a quest.

This is unbelievably true.

I did a scavenger hunt (challenge hunt?) in Seattle (hosted by a friend of a friend). Many of the challenges involved interacting with other humans (dance with a stranger, buy someone you don't know a shot, give someone you don't know a rose, etc)

It was so fun. I've never met so many people before. But it struck me how excited everyone was to help out on my quest. Eager, even. I was so nervous to talk to people, but suddenly, having a sheet of paper gave me super powers.

Highly recommend having a quest. People love a quest.

[skizm]

NYC was the complete opposite. Our company did a scavenger hunt and people were so annoyed at us for interacting with them when they realized we needed more than just directions. If others overheard they’d start edging away or making themselves busy. I’ll be totally honest, I’m the same way, which is why I fit in here I guess lol.

[121789]

ha we did the same thing but had the opposite experience. lots of people willing to help

[hellojimbo]

in the past, you genuinely needed other people all the time which made this so much easier

[SchemaLoad]

I've seen this a lot with travel youtubers where they want to show genuine interaction with the population rather than generic tourist stuff. So they set arbitrary restrictions like not using maps, or avoiding PT and trying to hitchhike to destinations. Pretty much everyone everywhere is willing to help how they can and have a conversation in the meantime.

Having some obvious goal like "I'm a tourist and I'm lost" immediately cuts past the "Is this person a scammer/beggar?" you normally think when a stranger walks up to you.

[dasyud]

This reminded me of Ludwig and Michael's recent travels in China where they weren't using any maps or translators. It was a very fun watch.

[gambiting]

There's a video on YT that basically proposes the idea that Ewan McGregor's & Charlie Boorman's "Long Way Round" series has been the last "true" travel documentary made for TV. I thought that was a bit silly initially, but after watching it(the YT video) I can't shake the feeling that I agree with the premise.

Basically - in "Long Way Round" Ewan and Charlie take two motorcycles and they ride them from the UK east, going through Russia and finishing in the States. But even though they have support crew of two cars following them with extra equipment, it doesn't change the fact that back when it was filmed, they didn't have internet connected phones with them. The maps of Syberia were innacurate, they didn't speak any Russian, they were driving through really difficult terrain and you could "feel" that they were far from civilization - contact with family was infrequent,they relied on kindness of strangers a lot because there was no other way to continue. There was a lot of communicating with hand signs and pointing.

Compare that to their later "Long way up" where they rode up through South America - at that point they both had mobile phones with maps and instant translators - they were never lost, and even in the middle of absolute nowhere they would walk up to a local and just use their phone to translate. They had video calls with their families practically every night. Even though they were in some places no less remote than Syberian roads, it didn't feel remote in the same way.

And yes, I know there are YT travellers who try to artificially follow the same kind of philosophy - no translators, no maps, just going in raw so to speak. But the world has changed. Even if they don't use phones, the locals do even in the middle of the amazonian jungle. And it is amazing how connected humanity is, but there is certainly an era that has ended for all of us.

I really recommend this video, whether you have seen Charlie's and Ewan's adventures or not:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjV3tkrCYIY

[alistairSH]

Total agreement.

Long Way Round felt a lot more "natural" than the follow-on movies. They were all good, but Long Way Round was by far the best. IMO, followed by Long Way Home, which had no real pretense about being remote or "adventurous" - just two buddies doing what is likely their last moto tour together.

[Falimonda]

"trying to get to the airport and I don't have much money" is not the quest you want to be faking...

[talkingtab]

Absolutely true! Perhaps the thing I was trying to say is do not travel or live your life in a bubble. Do not be a tourist in life, get in there. Be safe, but take survivable risk. And yes be honest. I would remove this line from the post, but on the other hand your reply adds a good guide post!

[sandspar]

I think the quest thing works because it gives you both roles: you are the Quester, they are the Helper. Both of you know what's expected of you. You are supposed to ask questions passionately, they are supposed to answer helpfully. Random gym conversations are hard because your roles are undefined ("How am I supposed to react?"). In general, many shy people do better socially when they can adopt a role. A shy person might become un-shy when they work as a barista, because they have a role ("barista"). And on a grand scale, a celebrity singer might become un-shy on stage, because she has a role ("singer").

[llbeansandrice]

I read something a while ago that talked about this. Friendships are solidified mostly by asking for help. It shows the other person that you trust them and people are often honored that you would do so. Even if the request is small.

So being on a quest is a great approach! You often need help and are in a discovery phase where you need to interact with people. Even if the interactions don’t go anywhere most of the time.

[talkingtab]

You put this really well. I have been considering that communities are based on mutual benefit. But I had not considered "mutual help". It makes me think of how people who have been in combat talk about the incredible bonds that are unlike anything in normal life.

What you wrote is that "Friendships are solidified ..." but I wonder if the same is true "communityship". They are solidified when you are helped not out of person to person relationships but from community.

I know in my small adopted town I have gotten and given help not because I know the person but because they are part of my community as am I.

I wonder if this is something that is missing for many people?

[mlmonkey]

In my travels, I've found old grandmas as the best people to interact with. In most cultures, those poor old ladies are mostly ignored anyways, so they're always happy to talk to you even if they don't speak your language. Of course they can spot fake a mile away, so be genuine. I was traveling in Italy and had a blast "chatting" with grannies on the streets. Same in Armenia. And Belgium.

[dasyud]

I've been talking to so many grandmas these days, and it's mostly them approaching me. It's usually something sweet and makes my day, but sometimes, it's heartbreaking to hear the troubles they've been dealing with alone because there's no family to rely on.

I think talking to the elderly is a great way to learn how society has shaped people's lives over many decades.

[gib444]

Hah, yes, this! I will absolutely accept their flirting and let them call me a "handsome young man" in return too hah

[negura]

there's a famous quote- two things you must not look for: love and death; they will find you when the time comes. so basically just do genuine stuff and it will happen. OP also hints at it when they say it's about doing your hobbies with other people. it's the same with the quest stuff imo. OTOH the PUA-types have the wrong approach because it's the opposite to this. they turn relationships into a goal and look for artificial tricks to make it happen

[Fuzzwah]

You've so perfectly explained something that I picked up from my father. He always seemed to have a way to get special treatment from people. I always explained it in a very Australian way; "he's a bit of a character" and figured it was tied to his gift of "telling a yarn".

But reflecting on it now, it's because he was always on a quest.

[jdthedisciple]

Unfortunately, Internet + Smartphones have invalidated 2.

"Why don't you just google it yourself?"