[mekdoonggi]

I can honestly say that I don't have any time for a dad who isn't all-in for their kids. I understand if the responsibilities aren't 50/50, but if you're making mom handle everything I think you're a loser.

All my millennial dad friends clean, change diapers, cook, whatever. And make no mistake all the moms are incredibly hard-working and involved with the kids.

If I happened to meet socially a dad who wasn't doing those things I would literally make fun of them. "You're a grown man who can't change a diaper or clean a bathroom?"

[grvdrm]

I’m with you mostly. Some different specifics but the point in mind is this: it’s a common thread of rapport and conversation. I sometimes feel like an alien on earth when I spend time with friends or other groups where there seems to be a atrong “ughh my family and home life” vibe.

[mekdoonggi]

I said hello to another dad at soccer for three-year-olds, and he responded with something like, "Ugh, I'd rather be ANYWHERE else".

It's 10am on a Saturday and you're running around playing games with your kid. I just stared at him and went on.

[JuniperMesos]

I was strongly encouraged by my own parents, particularly my dad, to play sports (baseball, a bit of basketball) as a kid; even though I wasn't very good at them and wasn't very interested in them (and got made fun of by other kids for this). At some point I realized that me playing sports was something my dad was more invested in than I was. When I was 11 or so, I finally decided that I had had enough, and quit the neighborhood little league baseball team I was on in the middle of the season; I suspect the team was happy to have me gone, and I was happy that trying to play baseball was no longer my problem. Suffice to say, I have no happy memories of playing catch with with my dad at any time in my life.

My younger siblings were a bit more intrinsically interested in sports than I was, and my parents shifted their attention to their sports extracurriculars. I actually don't really remember what they did sports-wise because I did not care at all; and although I was the older sibling I was not so much older that anyone thought it was important to encourage me to take a pseudo-parental or caretaker interest in what my younger siblings were doing. I would go to the baseball field where one brother played his games because my parents were going, and then amuse myself by playing alone in the dirt beyond the bleachers, because that was more fun than paying attention to the game. By the time I was old enough to, say, drive them places in lieu of our mom, they had gotten to the age where sports were meaningfully competitive and were not actually good enough to keep playing.

So not only do I find this dad's attitude extremely sympathetic, I think that I would've found it sympathetic even when I myself was a child. This makes me some kind of outlier, I'm sure. Anyway, 3 years is young enough that there's no actual soccer happening, just running around with a ball, any kid can enjoy that. It's quite possible that, depending on the interests and dispositions of his kid, that dad won't be compelled to be on a soccer field at 10am much further in the future.

[grvdrm]

Exactly.

My older daughter is on a competitive cheerleading team. Not something we (parents) suggested but instead she found through school friends. She loves it. Has boosted her confidence and athletic prowess.

There aren't many dads at the meets relative to moms. Not remotely surprising. I'm the first person to admit that I don't know how to do hair or make up.

I see quite a divergence among the men in commentary. Some are there and happy their kids are loving it - they're finding a way to make peace with the situation. Some are checked out, on phones, looking grumpy at best.

Some part of me gets it. Wild asymmetry in that sport. Performances are just a few minutes long, but there's a shit-ton of practice and weekend days/entire weekends dedicated to cheer.

It would be so so so easy to say "get me out of here" but I've found a way to enjoy and make peace and make a friend or two along the way.

Contrast with her other current sport: lacrosse. First season and it's kind of a shit-show. But I'm with her in the sun on a Friday night - and with the right weather - it is a great place to be. We (parents, dads, etc.) see our friends there too.