[SwiftyBug]

To me it's the opposite: I can go weeks without drinking. The moment there's a social event, I feel the urge to drink. It's like I can't enjoy it without alcohol. I've been trying to figure out why this happens, but I haven't had the strength to try and not drink in one a social gathering.

[mfru]

For me it is social anxiety / being on edge around more than 4-5 people (apply from 1 person upwards if they are strangers) and having sensory overload because it is a bar / pub / whatever.

A lifetime of masking leaves its mark on a nervous system, i.e.

And alcohol down regulates / takes the edge off

You might look into neurodiversity / trauma in your life (if you haven't done so already)

[SwiftyBug]

What do you mean by masking? And can you elaborate on the neurodiversity part? This is the first time I hear about alcohol as something that's reached for specifically by neurodivergent people.

[mfru]

For people on the spectrum masking is basically roleplaying a "normal" person, by learning behavior that is associated with not being singled out as a weirdo.

This takes a lot of processing power and constant vigilance in order to not drop the mask which is quite exhausting.

Here is one study looking at the connection between neurodiversity and substance use: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3965675/