[pelasaco]

> I do feel this trend in my life. I have a job which I'm grateful for but nothing feels satisfying anymore, and I feel like it is much harder to connect to people or form deep relationships, especially in this field, unless you already have a clique in your workplace.

do you have kids? Family? That is the ancient receipt for a great and happy life.

[qwerpy]

I had a job, was relatively happy. Then I had kids, less happy due to severe lack of time. Now, have no job and still have my kids. Happiest I’ve ever been.

[ButlerianJihad]

https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/The-Smiths/Heaven-Knows-I-...

  Two lovers entwined pass me by
  And Heaven knows I'm miserable now
  I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
  And Heaven knows I'm miserable now

  In my life, oh, why do I give valuable time
  To people who don't care if I live or die?

[mothballed]

If you're already happy you should think carefully about having kids though. I was extremely, extremely satisfied with my life before children. My kid is wonderful and healthy but as an introvert I didn't realize just how crushing it is to never get an extended period alone to recharge.

[brailsafe]

> If you're already happy you should think carefully about having kids though.

I feel like it should (but doesn't) go without saying that people should think carefully about having kids no matter who they are or how satisfied, but especially so if they're unhappy.

[thinkingtoilet]

Thank you for speaking honestly about children. I struggle with fatherhood as well and it's one my life goals to have these honest conversations. I genuinely believe the majority of people really like it, but there is a sizable minority that never speaks out.

[jimbokun]

I’m strongly introverted and having kids was an amazing positive experience for me.

[AnimalMuppet]

You can still get time alone to recharge - maybe not as much as you like, but at least some. The price is, you also have to take the kid solo sometimes, to give your spouse a chance to get alone and recharge. They need it too, even if they aren't as much of an introvert as you are. They may not needs as much, but they probably need some.

[pelasaco]

> If you're already happy you should think carefully about having kids though.

Well then you get your 60s and your focus changes. Kids become adults. Family is the true legacy. We didnt come so far as society searching for netflix and chill.

> I didn't realize just how crushing it is to never get an extended period alone to recharge.

You cannot just relax, because guess what, some human beings depends on you. But yeah, some phases are harder than others.. but thats life.

[mothballed]

I think it's a bit presumptuous to think I was just relaxing. I was doing stuff like fighting in a foreign civil war and commercial fishing in the Bering Sea. I wasn't really 'relaxing' so much as doing things that are impossible to do without being alone from family. I'm probably an odd ball but those are the sorts of things that 'recharge' me.

[notlenin]

1) okay, I'm fascinated by the 'fighting in a foreign civil war' thing, can you expound on that?

2) this may sound weird, but I do think that if you want to be a good parent (and please note, I don't actually have kids yet, so ignore this advice if it doesn't ring true) is finding ways to get your 'alone' time despite family responsibilities. I'm also an introvert, but my 'recharge' time is stuff like meditation and solo-programming and math time, so that's pretty easy to do, just set aside a few hours a day to recharge my batteries so I can be fully present for my family the rest of the time, I can see that fighting in a foreign civil war isn't exactly the type of thing you can fit into an hour in the morning before the kids wake up, but if you have similar introverted activities that recharge you that can be more easily done alongside family life, I would argue that you'll be doing your family a disservice not to do them- they deserve you at your best, which means you should give yourself time do fully recharge yourself so you can be there for them the rest of the time.

[pizzafeelsright]

I am on point, about 1.3% of the year, being a father, husband.

That 1.3% or about 5 days is my vacation.

I went' from ~60% free time to 1% and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[cyclopeanutopia]

It's not you, it's just the know-it-all guys with proven recipes for happy life are presumptuous.

[mothballed]

Off the cuff I do think it's pretty good advice if someone is unfulfilled or really spending a bunch of time just relaxing. Almost everyone I know with nothing much going on that had kids are happier for it. If you are wasting your life fucking about, kids will force you to do something with your life, and raising kids is an honorable use of time.

If you already have a fulfilling and happy life without children though you are throwing a wrench into a good thing with a dice roll of how it's going to turn out. Turns out, I'm not the kind of person that finds raising children fulfilling. If my life was already unfulfilling, then that wouldn't have made much difference and at least added a distraction.

There's no one to blame but me for that, but I'm here to pass on the experience.

Of course what's interesting is that while you do have the obligation to provide for and take care of your kids, you don't have the obligation to enjoy it or find it fulfilling. But people get offended if you don't, which I've never understood, as there is nothing dishonorable about it.

[pelasaco]

lol, what? How can you assume that people in the internet will connect this:

"If you're already happy you should think carefully about having kids though. I was extremely, extremely satisfied with my life before children. My kid is wonderful and healthy but as an introvert I didn't realize just how crushing it is to never get an extended period alone to recharge"

with

"I was doing stuff like fighting in a foreign civil war and commercial fishing in the Bering Sea." ?

Both sentences dont add up, at all.

[cyclopeanutopia]

Yeah, it was, but now we have AI and there is no future for our kids, so it's even worse.

[NoGravitas]

Yeah. I had kids, but the fact that I can't see a future for them, but have to live as if I do, is crushing.

[pelasaco]

> Yeah, it was, but now we have AI and there is no future for our kids, so it's even worse.

what? We went through so many bad periods in our history..is it sarcasm?

[cyclopeanutopia]

No sarcasm, your reply is insulting. But stupidity, blindness and greed-driven techno-optimism displayed on this site got to a vomit-inducing level recently.

[r_lee]

agreed.

I'm wondering how on earth are people supposed to provide for a family these days?

the techno optimism has been absolutely insane. celebrating that people won't have jobs anymore, that robots will be doing everything and that how the human species is just a stepping stone or something and if you resist you're a "specist" (famously said by Larry Page)

[kakacik]

Don't swing to the extremes, world is a bit bigger than news portals and US ones are beyond toxic regardless of the party favored. Nature is still beautiful, traveling is as enlightening as ever, meeting new cultures, foods, learning real history of the world as you visit places is priceless. Raising kids is hard but extremely rewarding. And so on.

Times are not easy, but they are not doomish. Or, every decade there were doomish periods where you could have the same view. every. single. one. How would you feel in late 30s when big part of the world was visibly inching to global war? This is nothing and nobody knows where this current moment will lead us to.

[cyclopeanutopia]

It's not about news but the reality around me, and I'm not in US but in a country that has an active war on the other side of the eastern border. And it's a war with increasing participation of drones and robots.

And at work? Yeah, the clock is ticking, and in this transitory period people seem to be happily ginving up on thinking and their agency. Execs are getting more and more sociopathic. Young people more and more disenganged. The planet is getting worse and worse.

At this point I really regret that I brought my kids to life, because I'm pretty sure it will be mostly suffering that they will experience.

[dlivingston]

That is extremely bleak. The story of the human race is a series of good and bad cycles. Right now we are in a bad cycle. It will end. Maybe in 10 years, maybe in 20 years, maybe in 80. But it will. And we need your children & others to carry the torch of our species into the future. Humanity still has many thousands of years of life in us yet.

[NoGravitas]

    Rustin Cohle:
    Think of the hubris it must take to yank a soul out of non existence into 
  this... meat, to force a life into this... thresher. That"s... so my daughter, she
  spared me the sin of being a father.