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by JKCalhoun 56 days ago
"As a father of 3 daughters now approaching 50 with my oldest now 24…"

You and I are akin (I waited a decade longer to start a family though.)

I definitely see my life as divided between before and after having had kids. I mean that's pretty obvious—and you can find any other big event in life and make that claim. But for me there has been nothing more dramatic to have redirected my own life.

To the point that (and this might not sound fair to people without kids) my life before kids seems in a way rather shallow, hedonist. I feel as though that was the demarcation for when I first cared for someone more than I do myself.

Photos of my time before becoming a father: I look at them and wonder who that guy was. What the hell was he doing with his life? Purposefulness came with fatherhood. A full identity change. To the point that when they left the nest, I was suddenly overwhelmed with purposelessness.
2 comments
move-on-by 55 days ago
> I was suddenly overwhelmed with purposelessness

My kids are young enough that I don’t need to worry about it yet, but I can totally see how I might have the same issue. Beyond just myself, my partner is just as invested in the kids and I can foresee needing to rediscover ourselves together. Do you have any advice, tips, or insights for new empty nesters?

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roody15 47 days ago
No, unfortunately this has been extremely difficult in my life. With raising children you have a shared goal and in although its hard it makes life simpler in you have something meaningful to focus on. Without kids we have had to face our own emotional issues and dynamics and this has not been easy.
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JKCalhoun 55 days ago
Not really. I can say though that it is true—my wife and I suddenly can enjoy just the two of us gong out to dinner on a Friday night again.

It's hard trying to remember what it was we did before the kids. In some ways it doesn't matter though—we're both a lot older and we probably would not do many of the same things.

We've also at this point spent decades together, working together on the family. It's nice to just work on an electronics project. And I think my wife is happy to go knit or make a quilt. So we do out own things—just across the room from each other.

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rubslopes 55 days ago
My first child is still 16 months old, and I already feel like this.
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