[ChuckMcM]

I know several people who have met online like this. I'd concur with the authors that working together to achieve an objective is kind of table stakes for an actual relationship. I've always felt that meeting someone in class and working together on homework and what not was something like that. But the key for me is that when you work with someone on a project you get a better understanding of how they approach things and how their values stack up.

Value stacks are something I heard about in a "Marriage and Family" class in college where the professor discussed that if you value say "economy" more than "time", you spend a lot of time to save a few cents, but if you reverse that stack order your spend extra cents to avoid spending the time. If the person you're dating has a very different stack than you do, it will be a source of problems going forward and doesn't suggest you'll have a successful marriage.

Playing video games together should certainly be a way to get a handle on how someone's values stack up relative to yours.

[vharuck]

>if you value say "economy" more than "time", you spend a lot of time to save a few cents, but if you reverse that stack order your spend extra cents to avoid spending the time. If the person you're dating has a very different stack than you do, it will be a source of problems going forward and doesn't suggest you'll have a successful marriage.

This exact difference exists between my wife and I. For example, when her car needed a replacement part, she enlisted her dad in an effort to find the cheapest part on eBay, attempt to replace it themselves, and then shop around for the cheapest mechanic to install the part they bought. When my car needed a part replaced, I took it to the dealership where I bought it. I figured they'd have the part on hand and know how to do it right. They would overcharge, but not a criminal amount.

We've come to an understanding: I like to use money to reduce stress. She likes to save money because it gives her a feeling of accomplishment. Not very different from hobbies.

[Imustaskforhelp]

> Value stacks are something I heard about in a "Marriage and Family" class in college where the professor discussed that if you value say "economy" more than "time", you spend a lot of time to save a few cents, but if you reverse that stack order your spend extra cents to avoid spending the time. If the person you're dating has a very different stack than you do, it will be a source of problems going forward and doesn't suggest you'll have a successful marriage.

Adding onto this, I feel like the child/children from a marriage like this also get mixed signals from their parents on what they should value in things like this. So firstly it confuses them and secondly, if they pick a side of any of their parent then they would feel like the other parent doesn't get them which might make them feel bad.

For a good marriage/parentalhood imo, there should be a common layer of value stack ie. bedrock of shared values and trust in a relationship. Disagreements can occur but with the idea of we are more similar than different. Maybe Video games help in either checking that or measuring that. I am not sure if competitive games better reflect it than relaxed games but honestly I feel like if you are already into a relationship and say video games don't work, then you also adapt to the other person values.