Also his general reactions and overall maturity seem very poorly developed. I might expect that response from a thirteen year old, but a university student?
Really sounds like an arrogant rich kid who has had a lifetime of getting whatever he wants.
I do get whatever i want in life. But thats not cos im a rich kid (im not), its cos i work really hard and have conviction. And i will continue getting everything i want in life for the same reason. Try it out
Egs is not a word. I assume you mean example? Or if you want to abbreviate it, use "e.g.".
> Back to the story, at 1 am, I launched the site, and just told 4 of my friends. that's it.
That's not how you're supposed to use commas. First one should probably be a period or semicolon. Second one is unnecessary. Third one is defensible, but you're connecting two independent clauses; I think it's better as two sentences. Failing that it's better without the comma.
> lmao as you can see
I wouldn't include "lmao" in any serious piece of writing attached to my professional identity.
> I told them, "no i wont",
This is missing an apostrophe and capitalization.
The list goes on, and on, and on, and on.
Stylistic concerns aside, this reads like you're telling a story to a friend. It's very 'stream of thought'. You don't give much commentary. You don't reflect on what you or others did right or wrong. You don't seem to have actually learned anything from this experience. Better writing would include reflection and show that you have put some actual thought into this incident beyond knee-jerking 'I did nothing wrong I shouldn't have been punished this isn't fair'.
Really sounds like an arrogant rich kid who has had a lifetime of getting whatever he wants.