[ffsm8]

Fwiw, you might want to look into "non violent communication" (which is unfortunately named, because people always think they know what it's about, while not actually understanding it whatsoever)

As an uninvolved reader in this thread, your phrasing was definitely done in a way that caused this response from him.

Not at all trying to be mean, and I'm fully aware that this comment I'm writing is also (knowingly) using phrasing which the previously mentioned NVC cautious from, but I only consider it something to be aware of - to understand interactions vs something to adhere to stringently.

[troad]

The problem with this approach is that it implies that I am responsible for how my interlocutor reacts, something I do not and cannot control. (Nor do I feel any need to.) It also presumes the interlocutor is acting entirely in good faith and is interested in reaching consensus, which is not always the case.

Sometimes people respond negatively because of tone and phrasing, but sometimes their response really is about the underlying substantive content of what is being said, no matter how gently. Conversely, at other times, their primary concern may be one of 'face', and the importance of being perceived as 'winning' an exchange, the substance of they may not actually care about at all. I agree with you that thoughtful phrasing is a potent tool, but its power is not unlimited and it cannot fully bridge every gap.

I would venture to suggest that I phrased things about as kindly as I could, in the broader context of an interlocutor who was already treating the discussion as a zero-sum contest. (Note their read of the exchange as my "desperately" wanting to "discredit" them, when I was merely disagreeing.)

[Gander5739]

> If I'm being honest, you sound very young to me. Which I do not intend as a slight at all, youth is great, but it does sort of explain your deep familiarity with Reddit and your absolutely unshakable confidence in your own takes.

That is unmistakably an insult, even if you say it's not.

[AlexeyBelov]

As another bystrander: your phrasing and overall participation in this thread was bad. Sorry, but you gotta learn how to take criticism; now it sounds like you just dismiss everything.

[troad]

Idk, I was kinda expecting to be downvoted to oblivion, but these were surprisingly upvoted posts (with the post noting that the other fellow comes off as young being more upvoted than the others). So it seems like there's some support.

Not that I see why that matters? The popularity of an opinion is a very poor proxy for its veracity. Not everything in life is about optics. (One's public image being of especial concern to the young, I might playfully add. :) )

If I seem disagreeable, it's because I'm quite literally disagreeing. You're telling me I'd seem less disagreeable by not disagreeing. Cool? Noted? Obviously? This little pile on strikes me as a fairly hamfisted attempt at peer pressure. It's a bet that I care so much about the social approval of a bunch of anonymous usernames, that I would pretend to have changed my opinion so you can all feel vindicated and we can all feign harmony. It's a very bad bet.