[gaius]

at that moment, the company is no longer your friend (if it ever was)

One time, in an evaluation, the first thing my boss said was "if I were to ask your colleagues right now, you would be fired". I was stunned. I thought I had been doing good work and got on well with everyone.

Later I discovered that this wasn't actually true; it's a tactic they teach in whatever management training course this company sent their people on, to keep the staff off balance. Yeah, that company isn't around anymore.

You can get on well with your cow-orkers and enjoy interacting with people at work but you CANNOT be friends with anyone you report to or who reports to you. Eventually they will have to screw you or you will have to screw them. That's just the way companies work.

[andreyf]

...but you CANNOT be friends with anyone you report to or who reports to you. Eventually they will have to screw you or you will have to screw them.

Can't disagree more. If you're clueless about everything outside your job responsibilities, then I could see how that's true, but if you're at least moderately engaged with those you report to, you can certainly have friendships.

Nobody looks to screw anyone over - constantly ask hard and honest questions - if your boss says "if I were to ask your colleagues right now, you would be fired", ask "do you think it's something we can work out, or should we talk about my leaving the company?"

Be honest with your superiors, and demand they be honest with you.

[gaius]

You've missed the point. My work was fine, and he knew that. He said that only to establish a power relationship because that was how that company worked. I learnt that when a) all my colleagues reported being told exactly the same thing (what, everyone wanted everyone to be fired?) and b) when I later became a team lead it was right there in the course materials (tho' I never did it myself).

Up until that point I had thought my manager and I were friends; he did me a great service early in my career by revealing the truth about how organizations operate.

[andreyf]

He said that only to establish a power relationship because that was how that company worked.

Well, establishing a relationship of respect and power is part of management, but there's absolutely no reason one needs to be a dick to do that.

Up until that point I had thought my manager and I were friends

That sucks, sorry to hear it. Maybe it's a sign of the times (I've only been in the industry about a year), or just the managers I've been fortunate to work under, but in my experience, coders always get more respect than to be bullshitted like that. It all comes down to money, I think:

If the company pays you less money than the wealth you generate, and provides good enough benefits/environment, you're playing a win/win game where everyone's happy. Yes, there are times when your interests diverge - your manager has a budget to minimize and you have a family to support, but those are exceptions to the rule.