[bleudeballe]

Banking Company LLC presents: Quantum Loans™ "Your money is simultaneously yours and ours until you check your balance."

Superposition Financing: Your loan exists in all possible amounts until observed. Checking your balance collapses the wavefunction — so we recommend you simply... don't. Ignorance isn't just bliss, it's financially optimal.

Multiverse Co-signing: Split the debt across all versions of yourself in the multiverse. Sure, some of you will default — but statistically, infinite yous means infinite revenue for us.

Entangled Interest Rates: Your rate is entangled with a partner borrower chosen at random. If they pay on time, your rate drops.

Payment Clusters: Forget monthly installments. Payments arrive in probabilistic clusters — sometimes three in a week, sometimes none for a year. We can't predict when, and neither can you. It's not a bug, it's quantum mechanics.

[devnonymous]

The real joke here is how close these quips are to the reality of modern day financial markets. Specifically, lending and hedging, are time entangled and value within the markets exist in superposition.