[gyomu]

As the article says, you just take the risk. Maybe you will bother the person. It’s okay, you’ll be able to quickly tell if you do, and you just gracefully back away and go on with your day. It’ll probably happen much less than you think.

[wanderingstan]

I concur. And would just add two points: (1) Make it that you’re not asking for anything / don’t open with something that could be perceived as a setup to asking for money, or pushing a religion. :) 2) be sensitive to social cues or that they want to be left alone, like terse answers or shifting their attention away from you

[smelendez]

I’ve found it can be helpful to shift your own attention after someone answers you, but not to a phone (which just makes you look like you’re communicating with someone else).

Look at a flyer on the wall, or your beverage if you’re in a bar, and they’ll follow up if they want to talk and appreciate the reduced pressure either way.

And yeah, never open a conversation with something like “can I ask you a question?” which is usually a trick of a salesperson or beggar to make you acknowledge them and start saying yes.

[mastersummoner]

This actually jives with my personal experience living in NYC.

New Yorkers have a reputation for being stone cold with strangers, but the truth is that anytime somebody approaches you out of the blue, there's an assumption that they're about to ask for money or try to get in your pants. Once you demonstrate you're not looking for either (or, if the second I suppose, that you're at least smooth enough for it not to be immediately evident), people are generally really kind. With some exceptions, I've usually found that the coldest looking person will stop to give a lost tourist directions if it's clear they're in need.

[wolvoleo]

Yeah NYC is the one place in America I'd love to visit.

But unfortunately it's in America so I'm not going there until you have some sane leaders again :(

[johnnyanmac]

When the risk can involve lasting consequences (especially in places like work/school), it makes me not want to bother.

[Swizec]

The risk does not involve lasting consequences. Just don’t make things a big deal and people will mostly follow your lead.

[johnnyanmac]

Lasting consequences include social outcasting and even dismissal. Those are pretty lasting.

>Just don’t make things a big deal

That sadly doesn't stop the runmors from flowing. That's the real damning thing about such social faux pas. Your reputation can be ruined without having a single person say it to your face. That's both unsettling and morbid for how you look to humanity.

[Swizec]

You have to mess up pretty badly for this to happen. Most people would be a lot less worried what others think of them if they realized how rarely the do.

The reality is that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to spend any time thinking about you or a random little interaction that didn’t land

[matwood]

> The reality is that most people are too busy thinking about themselves to spend any time thinking about you

I was fortunate to come to this realization in my 20s and wish I had realized it so much sooner. The vast majority of people are only thinking about themselves the vast majority of the time. This means the anxiousness we feel about what we think other people think about us is mostly made up in our heads.

[wussboy]

If you’re not talking to anyone, you’re already a social outcast. In my mind the risk of saying something wrong is much less than the risk of being omitted through inaction.

[matwood]

I'm trying to figure out in what situation asking someone a general question like 'how is your day going?' going to have lasting negative consequences.