[BrokenCogs]

I fully agree, there is something unsettling about this post and I can't put my finger on it, but here is an attempt:

His girlfriend is going through this medical issue, but he's made this post about himself? He's going to be the hero to save his GF and others with this brain tumor using the medical equivalent of vibe coding. I don't know, it just sounds immature and wrong

[Spooky23]

I’ve been here. I lost my wife to a metastatic tumor. He’s coping with the horror through determination to fight and win, and communicating it.

My person had 4 surgeries, countless MRIs, you name it. We had access to the best doctors in the US. There was no way she was going to not beat this thing. We booked a vacation and there was no doubt in my mind that we were going to be there. Until the day that changed.

The dude is a little unhinged. He’s trying to have some agency and control where none exists. He wants to save the girl he loves. So did I. Give him some grace.

[D-Machine]

Yup, you got it. I'm a survivor (so far) from a relapsed cancer myself. People have no idea of the kind of insanities you are willing to pursue in such desperate situations. Grace and forgiveness is the right approach here.

[quacker]

I don’t agree.

She has posted publicly about her condition.

He is 25 years old and trying to cope with a hard life event. Let’s not act like it doesn’t affect him. It affects everyone around her and the strong reaction from him is really a positive reflection on her, isn’t it?

His post is written and edited to garner sympathy and support. I don’t mind that for a naive but noble cause. And there is always a slim chance of success.

[HeavyStorm]

Oh, thank you. I wasn't able to figure it out exactly - at first I thought OK, the girlfriend died, that's why this post... But with her _alive_...

Re read it, it sounds like he's the victim: He was haunted during vacation. He was the rock. He fell into fetal position. I mean, sure, he's _a_ victim, but until she dies, if she dies, this is about her. Curing her is again about him and his want for kids.

[tasuki]

> I mean, sure, he's _a_ victim, but until she dies, if she dies, this is about her.

Yes of course it's about him. That's often why people write things. My girlfriend died of cancer, and let me tell you it was pretty rough on me!

[stickfigure]

What would you suggest as an alternative? Just quietly follow the doctors' instructions and hope for the best?

[mandeepj]

> What would you suggest as an alternative?

Just keep trying, especially when others have given up

https://www.cnn.com/2025/09/08/us/video/treatment-cure-disea...

[greazy]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Fajgenbaum

> David C. Fajgenbaum (born March 29, 1985) is an American immunology researcher and author who is currently an assistant professor at the Perelman School of Medicine of the University of Pennsylvania.[1] He is best known for his research into Castleman disease.

He spent years studying the disease as a researcher. He's an exception, really.

[tedggh]

A close friend is considered one of the best neurosurgeons at one of the best hospitals in the country. Brain tumors are his specialty. I remember him once saying he was growing exhausted about his job and thinking of retirement, even when he’s still young. The reason being, most of the other doctors in his team were not very competent and he had to constantly review and correct their work. He’s not an arrogant guy but all the contrary, very down to earth. For him to say something like that is because the mistakes he sees have to be bad. Every time he tried to quit, the hospital threw so much money at him that he could not refuse it.

[tasuki]

> Every time he tried to quit, the hospital threw so much money at him that he could not refuse it.

Is there also not a reason for him to continue working to save all those people?

Especially so if the other doctors aren't competent and he has to review and correct their work!

[H8crilA]

Yes. Sometimes people just die, and you have no influence on that.

[mwigdahl]

And sometimes the medical system’s inertia and default risk aversion keeps someone from an obvious diagnosis or treatment that could save them.

Sometimes strong advocacy is exactly what is needed.

[D-Machine]

And sometimes that advocacy is harmful, desperate, arrogant flailing—against the reality one knows is true with overwhelming likelihood—manifesting as "advocacy" or "will" that destroys so many chances for fully experiencing the reality of the precious, remaining, time one has (or one has with one's partner).

NOTE: This is not me disagreeing at all, just your point moved me to make the obvious counterpoint, having been through all this myself very literally and very recently. I know firsthand how important the advocacy is, but also how often it causes nothing but harm. There is a real tricky balance between agency vs acceptance when you've truly lost control of things, like in these cases.

[stickfigure]

Sure, and we probably all agree that these are personal decisions. If the OP wants to dedicate his life to working on this particular problem, great. Maybe he makes a meaningful contribution. Maybe he just helps his partner make better informed medical decisions. Even if you plan to follow standard of care, doctors often present choices that balance risk vs result.

Also, doctors split their time among patients and their various diseases. You, on the other hand, can focus your study on your disease. If you have a scientific mind, you can become an expert with enough study.

[tasuki]

> I don't know, it just sounds immature and wrong

Isn't he like 25? My partner died of cancer when I was 37 and it was a pretty difficult time for me!

[satisfice]

Heroism is not wrong. Let the man find meaning in life.

[throw310822]

Exactly, the unsettling thing is the fixation in himself, what he thinks, what he already knew before everyone else, how important is the work he does, how he got the best doctors, and now he is going to cure his girlfriend's tumor. Couldn't make it past the half of it, frankly insufferable.