[SwtCyber]

"Be the organizer" assumes a certain baseline of energy, confidence, and emotional resilience. For people who are already lonely, depressed, neurodivergent, burned out, or socially anxious, that constant reaching out + rejection tax can be genuinely exhausting, not just uncomfortable

[marliechiller]

As someone that fits some of the above categories, I think you really have to step back and repeatedly tell yourself "get over it". Its the same mentality to "I dont want to go to the gym today". You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before.

[chownie]

> You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it and wonder why you always drag your feet before.

When this doesn't happen what do you do?

[hamdingers]

Try something else until it does.

The only other option is to go on being miserable.

[chownie]

I'm guessing your issues were not so severe if "keep trying things forever and telling yourself to get over it" is the epiphany which helped you, clinical depression doesn't go away that easily.

[hamdingers]

Late reply but in case you come back to this, the thing that helped me out of clinical depression was 150mg of bupropion twice a day for a few years, then I was able to get out of bed reliably enough take up cycling.

If you feel you're clinically depressed get diagnosed and treated in a clinical setting ASAP. Diseases need treatment.

[marliechiller]

Not trying to be glib, but whats the alternative other than suicide? Keep trying things you know havent worked?

[chownie]

My winning alternative is not to go online and be the mental health equivalent of that survivorship bias fighter plane image. "Just tell yourself to get over it" is advice that can only possibly work because you didn't actually need it.

[elevatortrim]

These two are not really the same.

You generally do not go to the gym and fail, exercising works more or less the same for almost everyone, you get good hormones, you feel good.

Socialising, on the other hand, is entirely different. Some people thrive in it, some people feel much more dread afterwards.

[astura]

>, I think you really have to step back and repeatedly tell yourself "get over it". Its the same mentality to "I dont want to go to the gym today". You immediately feel better as soon as youve finished it

No, no, no, it's absolutely not the same, OMG, nothing alike. "I dont want to go to the gym today" isn't the kind of profound, all encompassing, and existential dread that attempting to organize a social event is. Especially when you push yourself to organize and it doesn't work out, which has happened to me before. Those feelings are legitimately nothing alike, the fact someone is comparing the two is wild to me.

I do still need to try to overcome it and get over it, but it's not even as remotely as simple as you claim.

[UncleMeat]

This becomes an unlimited excuse.

Even if there were state programs that established and ran these sorts of events and created low-friction ways of interacting with people, people could still say "well that assumes a certain baseline of energy."

It is true that somebody who is in the midst of extreme depression and can't get out of bed is probably not going to be able to set up a local dnd game. It is also the case that the large majority of people are absolutely capable of doing this sort of thing.

[vibedev]

If I may suggest to start small, it doesn't have to be a group of people playing football. I personally like to just meet 1 or 2 people to which I can have interaction with all of them.

If I may I made an attempt to crack at this very problem with Tatapp (tatapp.astekita.com). Any feedback is very much appreciated.

[Archer6621]

I agree. I also don't think forcing yourself to be an organizer is necessarily a solution to fixing the loneliness, as it also just requires a certain passion. In my experience, some people love organizing things, others just really hate it. I am in that last camp, after having organized quite a lot. For me, simply participating with things that are organized by others has done me much more good. Of course, that still requires being in a state of mind where you are able to take initiative with signing up for such group activities.