[throw4847285]

First of all, respect for using "sex without a condom" as a metaphor for solitude.

Second, it's weird that what you've written comes off as entirely insincere. It's like you've been assigned a high school essay to "write what a sad person sounds like."

You aren't even really talking to me at all. It's a story you're telling yourself that is actually deeply self-absorbed, maudlin, and also clearly false. I don't think you find your life pleasant, but I believe there is something you are not telling me, or yourself, about why that is. Good luck figuring that out. I don't know you at all, but I think you're capable of it.