[perfmode]

You wrote: “I told her for years that merit would protect her. It didn’t.”

You believed that because you wanted her to be safe. That’s love. And you were working with the information you had. The guilt you’re feeling is its own kind of grief — the loss of being able to protect her through guidance.

You can acknowledge this to her without making it about you. Something like: “I gave you a map that turned out to be incomplete. That wasn’t fair to you. I’m sorry.”

That kind of honesty, rather than weakening your relationship, might actually strengthen it. It models that being wrong isn’t the end of the world — and that love doesn’t require being right.