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by toomuchtodo
172 days ago
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She’s not wrong, in ~25 years in tech, I’ve seen merit as a component of success a minority of the time. It’s who you know, who likes you (direct manager and those around you who influence your comp and longevity), right place at the right time, etc. We win or we learn (in this case, “the meritocracy is an illusion” is the lesson). She should (imho) get back on the horse knowing how the game is played and play to win. I would encourage you to coach her that her value and self worth is not tied to a broken system, her job, and career; we simply trade time for freedom tokens. Sometimes this is easier than other times in the macro cycle. Our value is who we are, not what we do for a living. We can do everything right and still lose; that’s life. Y’all have each other, and that’s more than many. If celebration is not possible, try to find some joy being together for the holidays. This too shall pass. Wishing the best. Don’t give up. (When she finds an org and manager where merit is what drives her success, perform to expectations and hold on tight; these opportunities and roles are somewhat rare, imho) |
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Small but an absolutely necessary correction. “Merit” or being at the top of the academic ladder absolutely does open doors for you that are closed to others. But that’s all it does and everything you’ve said is applicable from that point on.
Put in other words, merit can help you get a job at Google, McKinsey, Jane Street, CERN or what have you - but your success after that significantly dependends on your innate survival skills and some luck. The latter is indiscernible and very hard to quantify but it’s what we say is being in the right place at the right time (or the opposite of it).
All that to say that in OPs case that his daughter hasn’t done anything wrong. He hasn’t done anything wrong. Times are changing and during the transition phase with the adoption of AI (and current geopolitical climate), companies are weary of making any significant investments and realigning their cost structures towards resilience. Except for certain pockets, there’s less spending on R&D, non-cash cow BUs being folded down, etc.
IMO, OP should suggest and encourage therapy or some kind of a professional with a “coaching” angle (life coach, career coach, emotional coach, …) to support her and keep her motivated through this - like any professional athlete after a major setback.
Bottom line is this - she’s do great - just needs to get through this, survive now to thrive eventually.