[sersi]

Why would the university not allow coed dorm assignments like that or have rules about relationship overnights in the dorm. Kids going to college are adults why should those restrictions be there in the first place?

If you treat students like children, it's not surprising if they try to game the system

[kelnos]

Yes, that's a bit odd, perhaps it's a religious or otherwise conservative university?

At my (secular) university, we did have a few single-sex dorms (optional for people who were uncomfortable with a mixed-sex dorm), but all others were co-ed, though some were separated into all-male and all-female hallways where they'd share a single-sex bathroom.

IIRC even the female-only dorms had no rules about overnight stays (though males had to be escorted around the building by their female host). A university not allowing people to stay overnight reeks of puritanical values.

[FireBeyond]

It's a state university, and I said that they had "rules about relationship overnights", not that they were forbidden.

Essentially it's one night a week. So, if both students, effectively two nights a week.

I don't disagree. I think it would be disrespectful to your dorm mate if your partner was just living in that space (which is already small for two, let alone three) most of the time. And you have to imagine that's at least part of the reason why such things are rules now, not suggestions.

[eloisant]

Because a dorm is not an apartment building, it's a place with communal spaces like bathrooms and showers so you have to share some intimacy with people living at the same floor as you. And many people are not comfortable doing so with people from the opposite sex.

[kelnos]

Being not comfortable with it is not the same as banning it school-wide. It's perfectly reasonable to have some single-sex spaces that people can choose if they're uncomfortable. But requiring that all dorms be single-sex makes it sound like there is some other religious/conservative nonsense at play.

Regardless, this isn't Victorian England. Men and women mix and live in shared spaces. There are plenty of adult living spaces in the world where people have their own apartment/room, but share bathroom space. That's also common in lower end hotels/hostels for travelers. Requiring that college students live in gender-separated living situations is a bad way to prepare them for the real world.

[FireBeyond]

Most of those dorms are not single bed. Yes, there are hostels. But you're not going to expect that it's going to be common to say "yes, I have no issue getting undressed/naked/dressed in front of my opposite sex dorm mate on a daily basis, or having to go to a bathroom and to do so within a stall" (because the dorm mate (plus whatever other dorm mates of either sex are around).

I get it - and at my stepdaughter's school there are co-ed dorms of different styles. But what they don't offer, and in this case is what the students hoped to achieve was "give us our own dorm with one bed", effectively.

The issue then also comes down to "well, college relationships aren't always the most durable things" - what happens when they break up? Who has to move out? It's not one person's space. Now the college is also on the hook for ensuring that there's sufficient vacancy (wasted) to handle these situations in other dorms.

[FireBeyond]

So there are a variety of options, but my stepdaughter is in a pod/suite setup. There are four dorm rooms, each with two people, and the four share a communal/interconnected bathroom set up.

So you need to have respect for your dorm mate, and your suite mates. And you know that, unfortunately, while "be respectful and adult" should be the expectation, there's always someone that ruins that, and the next thing the college has to set rules and say "this is why you can't have nice things".

And I expect there's a bit of liability minimization on the college's part - I'm not saying I agree, but the college probably has concerns of "it's mid term, and an allegation of inappropriate behavior happens, what do you do?" (and I think there's multiple issues with that, like it's not like that can't happen in same sex dorms, but I'm just trying to think about why the college might see it that way).