[teekert]

Sounds familiar. I've been quite successful professionally, I have accomplished many nice things. But always in the final days/hours and under extreme pressure (ie 2 nights of no sleep to finish PhD thesis in time for print for defense, etc, very difficult for people around me also. I'm currently working on our old house. Also not nice for me, and people around me. The results are pretty nice and technically fully correct though.)

I've had the same comment about being chaotic, and not being able to see the bigger picture during performance reviews my whole life. But I've always felt unable to see the bigger picture if not understanding the details. Although recently I've gotten better at letting go, trusting my mental models etc, but also at finding great, structured project leads (or assistants if I'm in the lead). Such people are invaluable to me, although I must say that I also start to find it easier and easier to just copy their behaviour (ie things like "Start project with timeline, not important if it's 100% accurate, its more about the order of things" - etc... At least you will appear very structured which radiates confidence!).

I've also had a manager at one point in my career that said: We really just want you to start many things, you are in research not in development. It's great that you start with so much enthusiasm, let de development people determine the fit for product later... (But perhaps a bit more "eye on the market" would be nice!)

That was somewhat of an eye opener, at 35 (42 now).

[eamonnsullivan]

This is an important point that I missed and didn't mention: My work and school life were really hard and chaotic. This is so intrinsically part of me that I didn't even notice, but has generated a lot of stress on me and my family. I guess getting treatment would have saved me a lot of that. I wonder if it is worth it, as a 62-year-old and probably within 5/6-ish years of retirement?

[teekert]

I wonder the same thing (but with ~25 years to go). It would probably be better for my relationships.

But I've heard from people doing some tests with certain medications that indeed they were able to focus and plan like never before. But also loose some passion and creativity. I've heard from yet others that they should have started way earlier, before essentially wrecking their life.

I think for me at times medication would help me. But it feels like a big step and I'm not "ill", I'm not wrecking my life, my life is ok. I also feel like "this is me, I'm learning about the good and the bad." Idk, maybe I'm overly sentimental about it. I'm also to lazy to go to the doctor.

[naruhodo]

From what I have been seeing about ADHD lately, using the adrenaline of last-minute time pressure to get things done is a common ADHD coping mechanism.