[markdown]

> Maybe it's the dad in me, years of telling me son to not apologize, but to avoid the behavior that causes the problem in the first place.

What an odd thing to teach a child. If you've wronged someone, avoiding the behavior in future is something that'll help you, but does sweet fuck all for the person you just wronged. They still deserve an apology.

[timcobb]

I think people this approach is overcompensating for over-apologizing (or, similarly, over thanking, both in excess are off-putting). I have a child who just says "sorry" and doesn't actually care about changing the underlying behavior.

But yes, even if you try to make a healthy balance, there are still plenty of times when an apology are appropriate and will go a long way, for the giver and receiver, in my opinion anyway.

[benchly]

Sorry, I should have worded that as "stop apologizing so much, especially when you keep making the same mistake/error/disruption/etc."

I did not mean to come off as teaching my kid to never apologize.

[skeeter2020]

"Sorry - this is my fault" is such an effective response, if followed up with "how do we make this right?" or "stop this from happening again?"

[james_marks]

Not a weird thing to teach a child.

It’s 5-why’s style root cause analysis, which will build a person that causes less harm to others.

I am willing to believe that the same parent also teaches when and why it is sometimes right to apologize.

[benchly]

Thanks, this is where I was coming from. I suppose I could have made that more clear in my original comment. The idea behind my style of parenting is self-reflecting and our ability to analyze the impact of our choices before we make them.

But of course, apologizing when you have definitely wronged a person is important, too. I didn't mean to come off as teaching my kid to never apologize, just think before you act. But you get the idea.

[ryandrake]

Yea, plus, anyone with kids knows that a lot of them just treat "sorry" as some sort of magic spell that you casually invoke right after you mess up, and then continue on with your ways. I teach my kid to both apologize and then consider corrective action, too.