[Auracle]

~11% of the US population is on antidepressants. I'm not, but I personally know the biggest detriment to my mental health is just how infrequently I'm in social situations. I see my friends perhaps once every few months. We almost all have kids. I'm perfectly willing and able to set aside more time than that to hang out, but my kids are both very young still and we're aren't drowning in sports/activities yet (hopefully never...). For the rest it's like pulling teeth to get them to do anything, especially anything sent via group message. It's incredibly rare we even play a game online.

Anyways, I doubt I'm alone. I certainly know my wife laments the fact she rarely gets to hang out with her friends too, but she at least has one that she walks with once a week.

[kakacik]

Small kids do this to everybody. The only solution - if you have good family nearby, use them as parenting services from time to time, to get me-time, couple-time and social time with friends. Buy them gift or vacation as return. Its incredibly damaging to marriage which literally transforms overnight from this rosy great easy-to-manage relationship into almost daily hardship, stress and nerves. Alternative is a (good) nanny.

People have issues admitting it even when its visible for everybody around, like some sort of admission you are failing as a parent, partner, human being and whatnot. Nope, we are just humans with limited energy and even good kids can siphon it well beyond 100% continuously, that's all.

Now I am not saying be a bad parent, in contrary, to reach you maximum even as a parent and partner, you need to be in good shape mentally, not running on fumes continuously.

Life without kids is really akin to playing game of life on easiest settings. Much less rewarding at the end, but man that freedom and simplicity... you appreciate it way more once you lose it. The way kids can easily make any parent very angry is simply not experienced elsewhere in adult life... I saw this many times on otherwise very chill people and also myself & my wife. You just can't ever get close to such fury and frustration dealing with other adults.

[Auracle]

We have parents nearby and they go there sometimes, but our oldest is quite the handful so we feel bad about doing it too much. She's just...very active, and always wants to play with someone. Always. At least kid #2 is easy. Regardless, it doesn't make it any easier to set up time with friends, just each other, and half of the time we do it just so we can get stuff done around the house.

You're right about the marriage stress. I've definitely seen the light at the end of the tunnel with friends/family that are further along in their kid's ages, though to be fair they haven't really hit peak teenage years either. At least there seems to be something of a lull.

[anonzzzies]

> We almost all have kids.

Maybe that? I see most my close friends daily and we all do not have kids.

[Auracle]

I mean, sure, that definitely makes it easier. But it didn't used to be this way when people had kids, either. People used to get together a lot more frequently.