[onionisafruit]

I chose not to get tested when the test was new. I still haven’t, but I feel confident I dodged the bullet based on my age vs my relatives’ age of onset. I used to wonder if I could take the news of having HD. Now I wonder how life would have been different knowing for sure I don’t have it.

[sriacha]

How did you live differently knowing it was a possibility? It must have always been a shadow lurking nearby?

[onionisafruit]

It was primarily that shadow. Until recently I worried every time I fidgeted too much or got angry enough that I wanted to punch somebody [0].

Knowing I could become sympathetic at any point made me more conservative in my career. Once that happened I would have less than five years of earning left. As a kid I wanted to start a business [1], but that was always too risky. Instead I’m the guy who actually considers the employer life insurance options because there’s no way anybody will insure me on my own. I’ve worked at a couple of late stage startups, but I’ve never been part of the early days where payroll is on the line every month.

This could have been mooted by a genetic test at any point. My wife, brother and mother thought I shouldn’t get tested. They’re the ones who know me the best, so their unanimity was influential. But it was my decision all along and I own it.

[0] In hindsight the fact that I never actually acted on a violent impulse should have been reassuring instead of worrying)

[1] what a nerd