[torben-friis]

I had a similar experience as a teen, where somehow I had never considered a sport or the gym because “that was not what people like me did, I was the nerdy one”.

I didn’t really ever think that explicitly, or say it aloud, it was just an obvious implication on my mind.

Turns out the only thing separating me from someone who is good at sports, or being buff, was doing it frequently and not half assed. Applies to most of life when it clicks.

Btw, if anyone’s reading this and feeling motivated:

>It began slowly, but I began. Knee press-ups to start, later adding assisted pull-ups.

>If anyone was watching, it would have looked stupid. A grown man barely able to push himself off the floor. But I showed up and put in my reps, day by day, week by week, in the privacy of my bedroom.

That works, but if you haven’t done any work before you’re better off joining a gym. Precisely the advantage is regulating weight more discreetly, and equipment helps for that.

[thevillagechief]

My wife had a similar experience. Being the last child, she was just never pushed to do any activities in school, and had really never participated in any physical activities. When we got married, I set a goal to run a marathon, and she thought that was the funniest joke she'd ever heard. Funny story, turns out she was a natural at running, and handily beat me a few years later in our first half marathon, even though I played sports since I was a kid.

[blueflow]

"that was not what people like me do"

Is this kind of thinking normal? Kinda like looking into the world and going like "i must be like that specific thing over there"?

[zukzuk]

I don’t know about “normal”, but I’d argue it’s pervasive.

We seem to associate certain behaviours and patterns with categories of identity, and changing those behaviours in yourself implies an acceptance of that “other” identity.

I remember this distinctly about 20 years ago when I thought about not eating meat anymore. Choosing not to eat meat was easy, but “becoming a vegetarian” felt alien, and took some mental effort. I didn’t see myself as “one of those” people.

I suspect it has a lot to do with how important group identity is to us, as social primates, and how we tend to package one behaviour with a bunch of others. It’s like doing pushups will suddenly make you a “jock” (and maybe the irony is that, to a certain degree it will, as these thing tend to turn into slippery slopes).

[achenet]

The irony is that, at least in my social circles, the stereotype of the "software developer who does rock-climbing" is really a thing.

To the point where, because part of my identity is being a hipster who is not like everyone else, I tend to avoid rock-climbing unless it's with friends, and when people ask me what sports I do I tell them I do Olympic Weightlifting, because it's actually somewhat original, even if, in practice 90% of the people at my Oly lifting club are either sports coaches or engineers :P

[torben-friis]

>Is this kind of thinking normal?

Sure. Haven’t you ever met someone who had a bad teacher and now claim they’re not good with numbers or languages?

We usually get comments like “oh you are smart!” when we succeed immediately at school. This is damaging, because it rewards current state rather than progress - the kid who doesn’t succeed at once assumes it’s not their thing, better to try something else.

The opposite is also true, after thousands of hours learning to draw people will get told “wow you’re so naturally talented!”, which accidentally is a dismissal of their effort.

I’m not saying talent doesn’t exist, but I’d go as far as to say it doesn’t matter much for non-elite settings - yet we seriously undervalue practice in the west.

[colechristensen]

We all have a lot of subconscious biases that end up a lot like this but rarely or never voiced. "I'm not the kind of person that goes dancing" "I drink a soda with every meal" "these are the only kinds of clothes that I wear" and you have a built up set of things you do and don't do and without reflection.

Then you can think about it and feel silly "why did I never do this before" or "why do I always do this". It's a good exercise to go looking for your unconscious biases and assumptions about yourself – eliminating these identifying behaviors can really be a benefit.

[Cthulhu_]

I don't think it's normal per se, but it's understandable; a lot of US media from the 80's and 90's portrayed people in distinct stereotypes, nerds, jocks and cheerleaders, but the jocks were assholes and the nerds came out on top in the end.

That kind of thing - stereotypes and reinforcing that this stereotype is your strength - will stick with a lot of people for a long time, at least until they become a bit more worldly and realise it's not actually like that.

But that's just my theory / take, it's probably full of assumptions.

[timerol]

Yes. It's commonly called "peer pressure". People do things to fit in with the group that they feel they belong with, and avoid things that they feel will alienate themselves from "their group"

[sevensor]

> if you haven’t done any work before you’re better off joining a gym

I also find it really helpful to do classes where the instructor helps you understand the right form. Lifting heavy things can lead to injury if you do it wrong.

[the_snooze]

Absolutely, classes were the magic bullet for me. I found a gym that offers small-ish (~15) classes, approachable instructors who emphasize good form, and a location and schedule that fits my lifestyle. Thanks to that, I've been a regular for the past few years now, going to class 3 or 4 times a week after being a lazy slob during the height of COVID.

Classes also reduce the barrier to start because you don't have to think about what your workout will look like, and you'll push yourself just a little harder when you're exercising with others.