[jonahx]

> The message doesn't have any warnings on it like "oh I know it's been a while" or "you might not remember me".

Yes. I do this too and wish more people would.

The qualifications, the "what have you been up to?"s -- such mind-numbingly boring conventions. Who wants to go through a "catchup" interview before talking about what's interesting. If that's the price, it's not worth it.

[losteric]

> The qualifications, the "what have you been up to?"s -- such mind-numbingly boring conventions. Who wants to go through a "catchup" interview before talking about what's interesting

If I think about someone, that's exactly what's on my mind and most interesting. What else would you talk about?

[derefr]

Since we're talking about people you used to be closer with — presumably the same kind of stuff you would have talked to them about "back in the day", when you were already continuously aware of what they've been up to because you were up to it alongside them / constantly making plans with them / hearing what they were doing from shared other friends / etc.

[integralid]

I'm thinking how it would work. What should I talk about - programming frameworks and techniques I don't care about anymore? Rock bands I don't listen to? Shared friends I don't know now? Current school/uni things? Magic the gathering cards? Anime? Rock climbing? I don't know about anything I have in common with my old friends. But maybe, just maybe, it we catch up we can talk about kids or best back pain medicine. Or rock climbing, because that's one of the few things I still do.

[stroz]

It's so easy to overthink the content when it's about the contact. What if it's just "saw this and thought of you"? Could be anything. The connection isn't in having the perfect topic, it's in remembering the connection exists.

[jonasdegendt]

I don’t know about y'all but most of the fun of catching up with someone you haven’t seen in a while is to catch up on the stuff that’s new, not the same old things we used to talk about in high school. We’re (hopefully) all progressing in life, wouldn’t you want to hear about that?

[jonahx]

> What else would you talk about?

A shared memory, a common friend, perhaps one who's died, their opinion on a movie, a book you're sure they've read, some current event, a funny story they, specifically, might appreciate, etc, etc.

[valleyer]

I appreciate your edit.

[singpolyma3]

But like, "what have you been up to" is useful because it gives them a chance to mention something interesting that you can then have a conversation about.

[jonahx]

I'd say it's a "know your audience" question. It can work well for more extroverted people that enjoy an opportunity to talk about themselves.

But it's also low-effort and asks the other person to do all the conversational work. For me, personally, if I saw an old friend's number pop up on my phone and magically knew "what have you been up to?" was going to be the first question, I wouldn't answer. Otoh, if I knew the opener was going to be "You're gonna love this story..." I'd be excited to pick up.

[bilsbie]

I can see this being good for social connections but for business it might be considered rude? Like an old boss, or employee?

[jonahx]

Yes it’s not always appropriate. It’s for friends.