[wanderingstan]

> People hate small talk because it avoids [vulnerability]. The purpose of social conversation is to connect but talking about the weather or the latest sportz ball result reveals sh!t.

I’m a defender of small talk. It’s the MVP of connection; you are at least talking to another person, mutual acknowledgement. It’s where relationships begin. It’s where you and the other can safely feel out the space of shared values and what’s top of mind: sports? Work? Family?

Oversharing is perhaps defined as sharing too much too soon, when you should still be doing small talk.

Sometimes people say they hate small talk but complain of the difficulty of making friends. Start by learning how to have light conversations. Keep talking. Depth comes naturally with time.

[creer]

Among the problems of small talk: (a) It's a crutch that just plain avoids the need for connection. (b) It lets you acknowledge someone - but so do more constructive acts such as simply noticing the person near you and being considerate to them, or even smiling. In particular so many people will have small talk with one person while not even noticing the others. (c) Small talk fills up time - aka wastes - to the detriment of other topics. (d) Do people really learn connection by starting with small talk? Perhaps a few.

After that, the question exists of what topics you can tackle - that are not small talk. That can be tough. But usually you do have something in common with the other, already. Recognizing what it is can be tricky. Certainly teaching the various ways you can interact with others would be nice to have in school.

[93po]

I think hating small talk and avoiding it is a perfectly fine selection filter. If someone takes a long time to warm up and talk about deeper stuff, that's totally valid, but it's probably a sign of there being a mismatch in either vulnerability, actual available depth of conversation, or general conversation patterns. This mismatch means that yes, I could put in a lot of effort to get this person comfortable, but then you're accommodating someone else's priorities over your own, and I don't really want to do that with strangers. I'll go make friends with someone that is going to better match me.

[johnisgood]

I do not think smalltalk has much to do with vulnerability, personally. Smalltalk is boring and useless. It is a waste of time, IMO, just because people find silence awkward.

[swaggyBoatswain]

Conversations should be progressive over time, as this builds trust and support over a given period of time