[xelxebar]

> But what do you do when you discover you don't have similar values?

Look deeper? Explicitly held beliefs are just a sliver of the tip of the iceberg that constitutes our experience as humans. The US, in particular, seems particularly fond of declarations of identity, so it helps to understand that such things are about as fundamental as the health of your pancreas.

IMHO, polarizing reactions, whether in others or yourself, look like obvious fear responses, which often respond to empathy and understanding.

More than fear, certainty smells like the mind killer to me.

[op00to]

I’ve spent the better part of 20 years trying to get through to my Trump loving, racist, hateful father in law using compassion and shared understanding. At some point you need to accept that some people don’t respond to that, and usually it’s the people who lean towards the authoritative that are not receptive.

[FearNotDaniel]

Your comment is very confusing. The article is about making a connection with someone, the measure of which is that you have achieved a shared understanding. It sounds as if you have managed that. And yet it seems that this is not enough for you and you are expecting to “get through” to him in some other sense, that he will be “receptive” to something more that goes beyond mutual understanding, that he will “respond to that” shared understanding with something that goes beyond personal connection. What is it you are looking for, that would make that connection complete? That he recants all of his views and changes them to be in line with your own? Or is there something else that you expect shared understanding to lead to, rather than being a goal in itself?

[op00to]

I want him to realize that he achieved what he did not because he’s somehow better than people whose skin is darker than his, but because he was very lucky in where and when he was born, who his parents were, etc. I want him to realize that pulling up the ladder behind him (he often says that minorities don’t deserve the same benefits of society that he got) does nothing but make life worse for other people.

[BobaFloutist]

They were pretty clearly responding to the previous comment more than to the article directly??