[Walf]

Sorry, but you clearly have no idea what it's like to actually deal with this, at all. If I try to be on time to things, I will be stupidly early, or still think I have time to do tasks A & B before doing C, because they invariably take more or less time than I estimate. Or I start doing tasks X & Y, because I'm easily distracted, you know because it's a deficit in attention. Don't trivialise what you don't understand.

Your advice is as ignorant as saying 'just do more fun things' to someone with depression.

[js8]

I don't want to trivialize, as I am currently procrastinating due to axiety on something, I know it's not easy.

But yeah, let's be stupidly early. I think part of accepting that you have a mental condition means that your life will simply not be optimal. Which is harsh to accept in a society which values efficiency above all else.

[osn9363739]

You have to do something about it though. You either come up with strategies to work with the condition or what? Just give up?

[nradov]

Do or do not, there is no "try". If you know you have to leave home at 7:00 AM to avoid being late then just set an alarm at that time. When it goes off then walk out the door, even if you're in the middle of some other task. Like if you're brewing coffee then just unplug the machine and leave: no coffee for you today. Don't allow yourself the opportunity to get distracted. Simple.

[Lewton]

I’m not arguing against your basic point as I completely agree arriving on time is my own responsibility, but when I do what you suggest, i forget my house keys lol

[nradov]

If you can you might want to install a door lock that uses a code number instead of a key.

[seethedeaduu]

Reminds me of my doctor who thought that adhd was not real and his solution to my issues was "just do it lmao"

[nradov]

You're really missing the point. No one here is claiming that ADHD isn't real. It's listed in the DSM. But there are practical techniques that people can use to improve their lives regardless of whether they have a mental health condition or not.

[karohalik]

I think you're oversimplifying ADHD and its impact. It's not just a matter of using tools or strategies. ADHD exists on a spectrum, and it's often comorbid with other conditions like anxiety, autism, or depression. What works for one person might completely fail for another, especially if their challenges are layered or more severe.

Also, saying “regardless of diagnosis” is invalidating the real need for accommodations. People with ADHD often require not just personal effort, but systemic support, whether that’s in school, work, or healthcare.

[seethedeaduu]

He did not deny that it is in DSM or that there are people who fit the definition provided there.

Usually such techniques tend to not work when they are suggested by people who haven't experienced the consdition and haven't put serious thought into them.

[karohalik]

I get that he didn’t say that here, but I’ve seen other replies leaning toward the idea that “it’s easy if you just try hard enough” and that’s what I was addressing, too.

[seethedeaduu]

I am talking about my psychiatrist. I think you are responding to the wrong person.

[93po]

this response is like hearing someone has crippling depression and telling them "have you tried just thinking happy thoughts? have you tried thinking about things in a happier way?"

here's the real thought process (edit: the writing is all over the place but im not gonna spend more time editing)

it's the night before, you know you need to leave at 7am, you pick up your phone to set alarm, and you see a text from jimmy, you spend 3 minutes texting jimmy, put your phone down, and move on to something else completely oblivious to the fact that you didnt actually set an alarm. i never CHOSE to text jimmy, there was zero percent of my brain that said "i see a text from jimmy, but i should set my alarm first because i might forget otherwise, so im going to set an alarm and then text jimmy just to be safe". this is what it means to have lack executive functioning. I will find myself making actions i did not make a decision to do, and the smaller the action it is the more likely i will do it without having ever decided to do it. for example, i will be focused writing software at my desk. 30 seconds later im standing in the kitchen, looking in the fridge, pulling out a sandwich, and it occurs to me: i never decided to stand up and go to the kitchen. the decision making process literally never occurred. I have to literally TIE MYSELF TO MY DESK to stop myself from doing stuff like this.

luckily, you wake up accidentally at 6am. crisis averted! you still have 20 minutes before you need to get out of bed. no problem, scroll hacker news. it's now 6:35am and oh shit i should have been out of bed 15 minutes ago, i didn't set an alarm for that because i didn't think i would lose track of time when im literally staring at the time in the corner of my screen, i rush out of bed and jump in the shower thinking this will take a couple minutes, no big deal. however adhd makes you chronically underestimate how long something takes, because im generally really unaware of how much time elapses when i shower because i have time blindness. it's not 6:45am and i need to be leaving out the door, but my shower actually took 10 minutes, and im now soaking wet and still have to get on my clothes.

but wait, i need to take my meds, i really really cannot forget that. so i go grab my meds, but then wait i need water. so i go fill up my water bottle for the day like i always do, but its dirty, so i need to wash it first, and at this point im hyperfixating on doing what feels like a necessary step because part of adhd is losing bigger picture context and longer term rewards, my brain told me "i hve to take meds which means i need water which means filling water bottle which means washing it" and my brain literally doesn't ever take a step backwards until it's now 6:55am and i finally took my meds and FUCK i'm not 20 minutes late.

repeat at every single step of every single day for the rest of your life. this is also why people with adhd have the stigma of being lazy. the reality is that we can and often get less done when it's not something that intrinsically motivates us (most things) because everything is THREE TIMES HARDER. we're constantly stumbling, constantly having to set a million timers, having fatigue of so many timers, so sometimes we're over confident in not needing them because it's not reasonable to set 40 freaking timers every day, but then one in five times we slip up, and now im 5 minutes late for a meeting, and i show up and my boss is being pissy because he thinks im some self diagnosing tiktok idiot because has no idea what this looks like and how it impacts me despite trying really really fucking hard and absolutely hating it

[Hyperboreanal]

>i never CHOSE to text jimmy

Yes you did. You are an adult human being with free will.

[Walf]

Another one that just doesn't get it. In that scenario, if you texted Jimmy, it would be a choice, if someone with ADHD did, it wouldn't. Again as stupid a response as telling someone in a wheelchair they chose not to walk upstairs.

Not everyone's experience is the same as yours. Denying that only makes you look like an idiot.

[93po]

this is like saying someone with depression is choosing to be sad.

this lack of executive functioning is a cornerstone of ADHD. this isn't a controversial opinion, it's universally accepted fact of the disorder

[ryanjshaw]

I’m sorry people are so dismissive of your reality. I really don’t understand why they feel a need to insist you are just lazy when you are clearly intelligent and hard working, but struggling due to wiring you can’t directly control.

[nradov]

People aren't being dismissive. The point is that whether someone is intelligent and hard working is utterly irrelevant to everyone else, especially in a work environment. What matters are results, not inner qualities.

[Walf]

Yes, you are, and punctuality ≠ productivity.

[nradov]

That rather depends on the job. Punctuality = productivity for many jobs, especially those in manufacturing, food service, agriculture, education, hospitality, transportation, security, etc. In the real world certain things have to be done on set schedules and anyone who can't reliably show up on time is worse than useless to those employers.

[Auracle]

Oh, come on.

“It takes me 15 minutes to get to my destination. I should leave 5 minutes earlier than I need to in case there’s traffic or whatever.”

Set an alarm for 20 minutes before you need to get there, and leave when it goes off. Done.

I will absolutely trivialize it because everyone I’ve ever known that’s like that simply leaves at the time they’re supposed to already be somewhere. Or yes, they get distracted and start working on stuff that they know will take 30 minutes when they need to leave in 10. Thankfully we all have mini computers in our pockets that tell us exactly how long it takes to get somewhere that can also easily set alarms.

[Walf]

You clearly don't have these issues, and I doubt you care about anyone who does, because your "Oh, come on." response positively reeks of 'that's not my experience, so other people's can't be that different.'

It's never just one thing like travel time, it's scores of steps in a routine, which aren't always the same, and can easily be derailed by anything unexpected. You can estimate how long something you do frequently will take, based on how much time it took previously, and still get an inapplicable answer because distraction is a constant problem, and the executive function deficit means you literally do not think 'don't do that, get back on task' in the moment. You know how long everything should take, and still struggle to apply that when you're doing the routine.

[Auracle]

Everyone has issues. For instance, I have idiopathic hypersomnia - I'm tired literally all the time. I don't get to say "Sorry wife, I'm just not going to be able to work."

There are things we're good at and things we need strategies to mitigate. I may not have ADHD but I have friends and family that do, so I'm familiar enough with it. What steps in a routine are needed to leave the house? Find your keys and wallet? Always put them in the same place. Go to the bathroom and maybe check how you look? Set that timer I talked about 3 minutes earlier. Other people with your condition can handle it; so can you.

[Walf]

Why is it that you think you're offering life-changing advice? What makes you think I don't use repetition? What makes you think I've never tried timers? What makes you think I'm the exact same as person as your friends and family? What makes you think I don't also 'just get on with it'? Do you even think about what you're writing?

[Hyperboreanal]

Everyone else manages to do it, you're not special. Be on time, or be a NEET I guess. You've decided you'll never be able to function properly so yeah you probably won't.

[Walf]

What a fuckwit. No, not everyone else manages it. I decided no such thing, you're just fabricating bullshit to feel better about being an arsehole to people who weren't born neurotypical. I have a career with pretty good pay and benefits, and you obviously didn't read anything else I wrote about managing my issues. I'd rather be late than a sociopath.