[aspbee555]

I felt like I was dying at 35 years old, my body was completely betraying me, exhausted, constant pain, no life as absolutely no energy on days off and still exhausted starting the next week. Even years in the Army never left me feeling like that

I had no idea it was the misery of the IT job that was causing most of my pain and suffering, and it had nothing to do with the job itself, it was the endless insanity of everyone else around me doing exactly what they were informed would cause problems instead of having discussions with people that actually knew how shit worked. I was endlessly picking up everyone elses mess and treated worse than a pile of shit all because people were incapable of having a speck of respect for other people since all their hatred for computers fell on me

I GTFO of the career of misery and took half a decade to finally start feeling better

I have now spent years and countless hours working on software and I greatly enjoy doing this work again and find I get even more done than I used to simply by doing life the way I need to instead of how some backwards/abusive control freak "needs it done"

[SkyPuncher]

I ended up in a similar situation last year. Amazing job, but typical startup stresses combined with some situational stuff in my personal life (moving, new jobs for partner, kids, day-care changes, etc, etc, etc) left me completely broken. I ended up leaving my job to take care of my family (thought I was done with my career, but it ended up being a sabbatical - back at the old job and doing great now)

It took about 6 months for the brain zaps to start fading. Then another 6 months for me to start feeling capable of really doing my job well. I'm 18 months into "recovery" and I still think I have another 6 to 12 months before I feel like my old self again (so about 2 to 2.5 years in total).

Time is really the only solution. You can't just think your way through it. You have to left your body's rewards systems re-adapt and re-learn how to be a healthy, happy human.

[nicbou]

Brain zaps?

[SkyPuncher]

I thought it was a somewhat common medical term, but all of the sources are from SSRI withdrawl (which is likely still the same symptom, just a different reason). My apologies for leaving it ambiguous.

For me, it basically felt like my brain was misfiring when it'd respond to some sort of external stimuli (often basic work tasks). It was almost like my brain was getting a muscle cramp combined with a dose of adrenaline (think getting scared). It was almost like a thought would fire off in my brain, cascade around a bit, then never find anything. I could feel my brain searching for connections, but never making them.

My best guess is I was essentially in fight or flight mode so severely that all of my thoughts were firing off my lizard brain type reactions. My brain was reacting as if I were in a deadly situation, just trying to keep me surviving.

[baby]

BTW I can relate but to me this was the savior:

- taking sport seriously

- regaining control over my life (which I did by creating a startup)

- moving to a city that cares about walking pedestrians and social life (moved from SF to New York!)

[e40]

Stress is so damaging to our bodies. Glad you got relief!

[andai]

My grandfather said he experiences stupidity as physically painful. I suppose pain is an indicator that some kind of damage is actually occurring.

That's my experience at least, that it's not healthy to be in environments like that for any length of time. In such a place, my regret is always not leaving sooner...

[sizzle]

I was thinking Lyme disease caused fatigue from the lead in sentence

[foobiekr]

What do you do for a living post-escaping the IT career?

[aspbee555]

I did part time work as a mentor which was way more fulfilling than the IT work. I eventually found my way back to programming my own project

[soVeryTired]

Roaming a labyrinth and savaging young Athenians might seem like a positive change in the short term, but ultimately it’s probably just as unfulfilling as corporate IT.

[aspbee555]

The mentoring was amazing when I started, but unfortunately the company was bought/sold and things unfortunately went downhill from there (corporate profits rarely coincide with providing actual help and is more designed to make paperwork/justify spending the precious numbers. I was great at the actual job, sucked at the medical paperwork)

I am thrilled I got to help some kids in need of help/understanding/acceptance at least and seeing the joy/results first hand is something I will never forget

[refulgentis]

Do you have any more universal stack ranking / ruling out re: career paths? Bonus points for more epic phrasing: it didn't really hide that the subjective opinion is objective fact, but, I think there's a better chance I'm fooled into living someone else's life if you do it again.

[mdavid626]

Can you tell us how you recovered?

[aspbee555]

overall it took time away from all that to recover, I also changed careers for a while to more fulfilling part time work

I have always had a passion for computing so I eventually found my way back with a project of my own

[reactordev]

Sometimes it requires taking a step back to move forward. Healing takes time. There’s so many odd jobs, side hustles, or simply - working a no-brainer warehouse job, for you to find yourself again.

[c0brac0bra]

I'm kind of in the middle of this phase. Chronic stress and pressure leading to autoimmune disorder, insomnia, etc.

Completely getting away from software dev will make it hard to support a family.

[trts]

experienced something very similar. thought I would leave my field permanently out of frustration and despair. I like my work now, but faced with that burnout again do not think I could power through it a second time.

Apropos, I had chronic pain throughout this experience. I thought it was just aging, irreversible, and something that compounded my hopelessness. It's very surprising to be 10 years older now but feel 20 years younger. Books like "The Body Keeps the Score" or "Healing Back Pain" used to seem woo to me, but now I am convicted that health comes from within as much or more than it does from without.

[kalkaran]

I had sciatica for years and inflation in my hips so bad I could barely walk 500 meters while in college. Basically only kept going by iboprufen, naproxen and paracetamol. I tried everything. Acupuncture/LSD/ultra sound/kiro/physio/yoga had mri’s/xrays/you name it I had dr. Sarno’s healing back pain for 2 years on my shelf before I took a holiday and read the whole thing in one go. Fell asleep for 4 hours and woke up pain free for the first time in 7 years. Started to come back a few times but I would just read the book again and go for a run. Been smooth sailing for 10 years now.

[johannesberlin]

what exactly was in the book that relieved it for you? I’m curious

[kalkaran]

Healing back pain - by Dr. John Sarno.

[vertigolimbo]

So you went back into software development after 5 years? Maybe you had a burnout and just needed to rest

[imhoguy]

I read it that OP has left IT and rested then got back to some freelance/co-op/own softwate development.

I am on the same fence, just on my notice period in the shit show called corporate IT where there is 90% time spent on toxic politics.

Now dreaming to burn some savings, detox and then play with Raspberry Pi projects.

[aspbee555]

I have worked with computers for decades, I love it, and for me to not even want to look at a computer was impossible for me

I made it through the Army (decades ago), I ran my own company, handled employees, etc. I have no problem with hard work and stress. My joy for computers was destroyed for a while, and it had nothing to do with the work itself, it was due to targeted intentionally malicious discrimination from the top