[jrgoff]

This comment reminds me of my own socially anxious belief that I am boring, that people don't want to hear what I have to say, etc. And I have had plenty of evidence to reinforce those beliefs. As I have been working through things in therapy though, I have realized that my wounded mind grabs on to those things that reinforce that negative belief and tends to be dismissive of things that would contradict it. I've also realized that because I have those fears/wounds I often interact with people in ways that are more likely to elicit disinterested responses - I often have a flat affect and emote little, display no enthusiasm when communicating about things that I care about because I expect that the other person won't be interested or care. I wouldn't be surprised if I subconsciously have chosen friends who re-inforce those beliefs as well, I think I sometimes feel uncomfortable when people do respond enthusiastically toward me.

Some of my early experiences as an adult that broke my heart open a little were also with children - I don't have any of my own, but when my nephew and niece were young they were so open and enthusiastic and happy to see me it got past my wounded defense mechanisms.

[SunlitCat]

That's maybe one of the biggest helping things. Having the right audience and even if it is only one or two people (or kids). This can make a lot of difference.

[tuetuopay]

> display no enthusiasm when communicating about things that I care about because I expect that the other person won't be interested or care

This resonates a lot, and especially in "our community" of tech enthusiasts. I don't display enthusiasm about electronics, pcb design and assembly, with non nerdy people because I don't expect any form of interest (which is compounded by the assumption the person won't understand a word about it).

It got especially reinforced of late as I made a foray in woodworking to build myself a bookshelf from scratch with a custom design. There is something about non-tech hobbies that anyone can relate to (everyone was stoked by said bookshelf) that makes it easier to share. Even the layperson can grasp the design challenges faced in such hobbies, including nerdy but non tech ones (warhammer figurine painting is the first that comes to mind). OTOH when I show a custom-made PCB to someone, I just get a "ok cool".

> I wouldn't be surprised if I subconsciously have chosen friends who re-inforce those beliefs as well

There is also a strong tendency to vary friend groups and "get out of your bubble" if you think you're boring, to get "non-boring" people around you. Which can be healthy but highly frustrating, because you don't get to share stuff with them.

I can't wait to get children to share those interests with them.