[Aurornis]

> and the assertion that making your team feel good is not close to if not the top priority in the list of managerial duties.

I think the implication was that making the team feel good shouldn't come at the expense of communicating the truth.

This is a real problem I've had with some managers in the past: They try so hard to keep everyone happy that they're afraid to have difficult conversations. They soften negative feedback so much that the point is lost. They might even open themselves up to being manipulated by employees who learn how to leverage their desire to keep the team happy and use it against them.

Obviously it's not supposed to be like that, but it's a common pitfall for first-time managers especially.

[shanemhansen]

You're probably right. There are certain literal statements I react strongly to.

I understand at work I have a job to do, but I choose how to do it and I choose to do it in a humane way.

I don't want to put words in your mouth but it sounds like you're warning against being a people pleaser, in which case I so agree.

[bitmasher9]

Over-positivity is a problem you sometimes run across in tech. If you’re dealing with them, learn how to read between the lines to hear what they actually need from you.

I’ve seen it in managers, but I’ve also seen it from internal teams communicating with each other, and even when leaving PR feedback.

[close04]

> Over-positivity is a problem you sometimes run across in tech.

It's a problem everywhere humans work. I've met team-leads and managers who suffered from toxic positivity everywhere. Either just in the way they conveyed messages, or the way they perceived everything, "house on fire, all is fine".

The only reason a manager is not a friend is because a manager has power over you, the subordinate. Power to fix or break things. This imbalance defines the entire relationship.

A quote from Saving Private Ryan always stuck with me:

  Pvt. Reiben: [At Jackson] Oh, that's brilliant, bumpkin. [At Miller] Say Captain, you don't gripe at all?
  Capt. Miller: I don't gripe to you, Reiben. I'm a Captain. We have a chain of command. Gripes go up, not down. Always up. You gripe to me, I gripe to my superior officer, and so on and so on and so on. I don't gripe to you. I don't gripe in front of you. You should know that, as a Ranger.

[ohthatsnotright]

Gripes go up, but shit rolls down hill.

[anal_reactor]

The problem is that surprisingly few people can handle negative feedback without seeing it as a personal attack. Moreover, in a big company you're ten levels removed from actual effects of your job, so if you see the company sailing right into an iceberg, usually it's just not worth it to bring that up. In best-case scenario you'll avoid the crash without without any recognition, in worst-case you'll be seen as a not-team-player and removed from your position. The best course of action in any social group is usually to do nothing, agree with the general consensus, and secure your personal safety.

In general I understood very early in my life that people really hate being told the truth, and knowing what lies given social group decides to believe in is crucial to successful socializing. I don't like this, and it's a big reason why I have very few friends, but the friends I do have value me for not being an NPC.

[devkit1]

I think there is a distinction to be drawn between navigating typical social interactions vs communicating an impending iceberg collision to organization members and leadership. In my experience, organizations are typically quite appreciative of receiving a heads up about real, major risks and problems. But it is important to ensure the risk you are raising is clearly understood and not simply speculative. You should not be crying wolf, but it is never a good plan to sit back and watch your organization cruise into an iceberg when you could have said something to prevent it.

[anal_reactor]

My experience is different. People vastly prefer social cohesion over useful information. Case in point: Catholic church was completely immune to any critique, dating back to XVI century. Now it's surprised Pikachu face that Europe is pretty much done with Christianity, within two centuries at most the religion will only be practiced in America and Africa. Of course all other major religions follow the same footsteps, because of course it's just Catholic church that was wrong and they aren't, why would you question your superiors.

[meander_water]

Well said, I think this is essentially what people who practice Radical Candour [0] do.

I would much rather my manager give me the harsh truth upfront rather than letting it simmer, and making things worse for both of us.

[0] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radical_Candor

[jajko]

Its also very industry-specific. You work at investment bank or some other finance place which sees you only as expensive incompetent cost center putting friction to those beautiful masters of business art? Boohoo, get a shrink if you have to, toughen up, get your shit together or ciao.

Almost, if not literally any other business I ever worked for (electric provider, insurance, telco, government, army etc) were much more humane. And of course better place to work long term. Money is only priority in life only if you don't have them which shouldn't be a concern for most folks here (at least relatively to rest of population around, stupid spending or bad investment can ruin even billionaires of course)