[isoprophlex]

I'll add to the general consensus here that this is an extremely valuable comment. At least for me it closely resonates with things I am only now discovering, at an age close to 40; the (in)ability to set and guard boundaries is super dependent upon early life and upbringing.

Thanks for articulating this so clearly.

[77pt77]

Setting boundaries is only a thing if you're able to implement them, just like in geopolitics.

If you lack the power to implement them they mean nothing.

Children can try and set the boundaries they want, but parents, family and society in general can just laugh and ignore them.

[munificent]

This is true, but it's worth taking a step up a meta level.

People who don't believe they deserve to have their boundaries respected also don't tend to do things that will garner them the power that enables them to do so.

The amount of power we have is not at all fixed. It can be changed by our choices and is meaningful mostly relative to the power of the people around us, and we also have a lot of choice around who those people are.

In short, people who want their boundaries respected tend to work to avoid getting into situations where they aren't able to enforce them.

[robocat]

Setting boundaries implies conflict management. Most people have some power, but many fear to use their power because it risks conflict.

Navigating conflict is hard.

Many people are conflict avoiders, and they struggle to set boundaries. People pleasers or panderers in particular often cost themselves a lot to avoid conflict.

[kevinventullo]

You do need a certain degree of leverage. I think especially in the tech sector, people often do not realize how much leverage they have, and how a little pushback can go a long way. It is sometimes worth asking and testing: “Are they really going to fire me for this?”

[FeteCommuniste]

A lot of us have jobs where the answer to that question is often "I don't know."

[77pt77]

Or, yes they would and probably for far less.