[ricardobeat]

    probabilityOfClosing = (question) ->
        text = question.text.toLowerCase()
        return (text.length / (text.indexOf('jquery') + 2)) / 100

[usea]

I realize this was in jest, but your algorithm says that the shorter a post, the less likely it is to be closed. A post of zero length has a 0% chance of being closed.

Also, the result is not bound to 0..1