[balinvadasz]

Parent of a 4 and 1 year old here. Kids can be surprisingly smart and "dumb" at the same time. Their rote intelligence can shine if problems are presented in ways they can easily comprehend them but even simple emotional intelligence tasks ("if I kick my sister it hurts her the same amount as it hurts me when I get kicked") stump them. This confuses adults (myself included) and sometimes makes us expect more from them than would be realistic.

[UnFleshedOne]

I don't think kids don't realize that other people hurt too. Kicking their sisters would be quite pointless otherwise.

[JacksonGariety]

He's talking about the principles of psychology and escalation of anger. Studies show that when you actually hurt someone, your brain devalues that punch and makes you think you didn't hit very hard, but when you get punched your brain blows it out of proportion.

Defensive techniques I suppose.

[csense]

> even simple emotional intelligence tasks ("if I kick my sister it hurts her the same amount as it hurts me when I get kicked") stump them

Thinking back to when I was a kid, this one probably boils down to the "interrupt" aspect of behavior modification. It doesn't matter if the kid intellectually understands the Golden Rule if it doesn't cross his mind in between the time he thinks about kicking his sister and when he actually does it.

I would say it's punishment that remedies this -- you can think about punishment like registering a hardware interrupt that will cause negative emotions to spontaneously activate when the same situation arises in the future.

This is complementary to the child's intellectual understanding of why it's wrong to hit his sister.

Understanding without punishment makes ethics a purely academic exercise rather than something that should be practiced in daily life. Punishment without understanding breeds resentment and/or strange, dysfunctional worldviews.

Disclaimer: I've never had kids, nor have I been closely involved in the raising of younger family members, nor am I an expert in this area. Much depends on the particular individual kids, parents and circumstances. YMMV.

[lostlogin]

I want to understand the down votes.. As a parent of one young child, I find discipline the hardest aspect of being a parent. Holy hell it twists me in knots trying to work out when to draw the line, when to ignore and when to warn. Luckily my wife is better at this.