| Number one I wish I didn't grow up a latch key kid so alone. But for changeable... I let myself be walked over/'sacrificed' for others, which ironically made me more selfish because it built resentment inside me and then my internal resentment (which I chose, not them, because I didn't speak up, I just 'sucked it up') impacted others who had no idea/no control over the resentment. If you do something, great, but don't keep score. You didn't do it for anyone else, you did it because ultimately YOU chose to. I let things get unhealthy because I had zero outlets. Stopped surfing. Stopped mountain biking. Stopped the gym. Stopped writing music. I was able to go 14 years on zero me time/zero friends before I blew everything up. Keep friendships if you can. Keep some you time. Use your words. Talk, don't go to court about things in your head. Talk to the people involved. Make it safe to talk, for you to talk to your partner, for your partner to talk to you. Setup a time to check in with each other, and not stop the check in when it gets uncomfortable. Keep talking. Exhaust yourselves with talking. If you find you are putting more time/energy into changing your car's oil more often than maintenance on your relationship, that's not good. Vacations make zero financial sense. Take them anyways. I would take more. You will never get that time with your kids back. Find something in each vacation to bring back home and incorporate into life. Maybe vacation pictures on the wall. Maybe food dishes you eat once a month that you 'discovered' (even if you had before but it was the kids first time). |