[Balgair]

I think a more humane (and likely more successful) way out of this is to not try to convince the childless to have children at all, but to try to convince those with children to have more.

So, I'll pose this question to HN and see what you all say: If you have kids, why not more? (if you're too old/young, just imagine you're the right age)

I'll go first: We'd both like to have more kids, but we honestly don't have the time for another. They really do eat up loads of your time. I already only have ~15 minutes at the end of the day for myself, another one would make me go negative (somehow). Part of this is our situation: my folks need some intensive memory care and my In-Laws aren't really interested in any childcare duties. We spend about an hour a day in the car shuttling about the ones we have, so more destinations isn't too bad, but would be tougher. Monetarily, we're more than fine compared to our neighbors, education should be well and paid for through college (very lucky here, we know). We can and do afford weekend activities. Our religious group is alright, they care, but there is just too many old people that need help and really suck all the charity-time out of the group as is (read: mostly useless for child-care/assistance). So, we're probably going to stick at what we have right now.

I'm free to be questioned about my choices, so don't feel bad asking, though I'll try to keep some anonymity if that is alright.

[drewbug01]

> I think a more humane (and likely more successful) way out of this is to not try to convince the childless to have children at all, but to try to convince those with children to have more.

> So, I'll pose this question to HN and see what you all say: If you have kids, why not more? (if you're too old/young, just imagine you're the right age)

> I'll go first: We'd both like to have more kids, but we honestly don't have the time for another. They really do eat up loads of your time.

I think you've largely answered your own question, by reflecting on your own circumstances. I suspect there are plenty of people who would not mind having more kids per se, but simply cannot afford to (in terms of time, or in terms of money, etc).

We are planning on a second kiddo, and I can barely fathom how we'll make it work with what little time we have left. At least in the US, we simply don't have a society that makes it easy or feasible to have kids - financially or otherwise.

[Balgair]

My bad about not being more clear here.

I was looking for the perspectives of others, not to conclusively answer the question. I thought it would be polite to offer my own first.

[drewbug01]

Apologies if that came off as rude or something, I wasn’t trying for that tone at all. I meant what I said more in the sense of “it’s a good question, and in fact you’ve summed up the answer pretty nicely too” :)

[bryanlarsen]

Talk to upper middle class people that have 4 or more children. They'll likely tell you that life gets easier after the 4th and subsequent children. I've heard of fathers describe it as switching from "man-to-man defence" to "zone defence". Your experience and parenting skills no longer have to be learned. Older children help with care for the younger. And not inconsequentially, your expectations rationalize.

My wife wanted more than our 2 children, but medical reasons prevented us from having more.

Most of my children's friends are in 2 child families. IMO middle class people tend to stop at 2 for financial reasons. OTOH, we know several couples who are both surgeons or in similar occupations. They tend to have either 0 or 4+ children.